But Then I Fell in Love

Chapter Twelve

 "Yoongi, I want you to be honest with me if anything is too much for you to handle, do you understand?"

"Yes," Yoongi told Dr. Kang.

Yoongi and Namjoon were at Yoongi's regularly scheduled appointment. Dr. Kang had been a bit distressed to hear that Yoongi had had his first encounter with the police without her being able to let him know what to expect first, but she was relieved that Yoongi wanted to sign the papers for her to be able to share whatever information he was willing to open up about with them.

"Can you tell me about the second incident? The one the police asked you about?"

Yoongi sighed as he looked down. "That was the first time we..."

Namjoon tensed. He knew he'd have to hear about this sooner or later, but he wasn't sure he'd ever be ready.

"It's okay, Yoongi, take your time."

They waited a few minutes until Yoongi collected himself enough to continue. "H-He'd been wanting to have sex for a long time, but I was scared. I'd never done it before, so I kept putting it off. He was pressuring me and getting more and more frustrated. I finally decided that we could do it that night, but then I..."

Dr. Kang waited patiently.

"I chickened out. We started and it hurt and I..." Yoongi took a deep, shaky breath. "I told him to stop"

Suddenly, Yoongi looked up and tears were running down his cheeks.

"I said no," he whispered.

"Then he should have stopped," Dr. Kang said.

"But... But he said that I'd already said yes before so he could keep going."

"That's not the case, Yoongi. Once you say no, the consent is gone."

"But – "

"I assure you, Yoongi."

"But he was my boyfriend. He said it was okay because we were together and we were in love."

"It doesn't matter," Dr. Kang said gently. "In fact, being in love is yet another reason he should have stopped. If he loved you, he would respect your wishes."

Yoongi looked up again. "But... He does love me."

Dr. Kang set aside her notebook and leaned toward Yoongi. She placed a hand on his knee and he met her eyes.

"Right?"

"No, Yoongi," Dr. Kang said as gently as possible.

"B-But..."

"I'm sorry, Yoongi," Dr. Kang said. "I'm so sorry."

It all seemed to hit Yoongi like a ton of bricks, and he finally, truly, broke down. He dissolved into a mess of anguished sobs, letting out heartbreaking wails and tortured cries.

He'd been beaten and raped. He'd been lied to, used and controlled.

And he'd allowed it to happen. He'd allowed himself to be thrown around like a piece of trash. And for what?

A love that wasn't even real.

Yoongi began taking breaths so shallow, he began hyperventilating. Namjoon rushed to his side, and Dr. Kang reminded Yoongi of his breathing exercises. Eventually, they got him calmed down enough to take deeper, more slightly controlled breaths.

"I-I...I...I'm so p-pathetic," he moaned.

"No, Yoongi," Dr. Kang said calmly. "You're coming to terms with the fact that Chul lied to you."