Heikazuscara -the dead maid-

life is dead

Scaras pov:

i hate myself i can't take shit anymore i want to just die

i came to the realization that im just their free maid some time ago, and maybe if they are being playful their toy but whatever

my suicide plan this time is not an overdose since it didn't work last time I'll just jump this time

when i don't know but it'll be this year
i was planning in about a week or something
or maybe two

I'll see if anything changes if not and I'll be alone I'll just do it it literally has no point anymore

i have no friends, no family, no great income, and im being used

i just can't take it

i mean i have some friends but all my friendships are one-sided like with that one friend where she left early because i guess im too boring or that their too lazy to come to my house even thogh i always comw to theirs and only interact when im the first one to talk

i have tried to be better i swear i have just nothing is working

I'll never be enough for me or anyone maybe i just have high standards but i just want to be loved, listened too when i talk about things i enjoy, and things i like not being said that its ugly i want someone to hold me when i cry

in the end i just gave up

everything feels numb now no real emotions exept sadness and numbness and maybe pain

i can't take it anymore no one realizes that im just stressed out and can't deal with many important events coming up so instead of preparing i just sit and cry

i will break of the engagement so they can be happy together alone the only thing they will maybe miss about me is how i clean their house when they went out not even bothering asking if i want to go with them

my plan for the rest of my two week life is
break of the engagement, move out and be homeless in the local forest, starve, and on my last day walk until i find a bridge that has high sides where i can walk up and then jump, if i don't find those type of bridges then I'll just shoot myself

thats how easy it'll be right

yep

tomorrow.

tomorrow is today.

i didn't sleep or rather couldn't  i looked around to see guess what

no one

i got up went into the bathroom looked at my unhealthy me and nothing

fuck it I'll write a letter breaking it off

'to kazuha and heizou

yall may have a happy life right now but i don't you giys treat me like a maid and i hate it everyday i wake up alone and not like ur in the kitchen making breakfast no ur just out in some bars drinking and hooking up in the bathrooms and then continue to fuck at this home and expect me to clean ur mess up im done u act like i don't exist im done with this engagement like entirely go have ur own happy life with out me i already have all my bags packed like it was anything it was only a handbag full of stuff if u had to move it would have taken two trucks i hate this house and you guys i hate it i thought you were better than that but i was wrong ur just like everybody else that i meet fuck yall

Scaramouche

p.s. don't search where i am yall won't even do that would you no you won't'

yep thats it perfect I'll place it one the fridge with a cookie monster magnet

now lets go to my new home! see how existed i am ? im not i feel numb so yeah

i went to the forest and searched for a place that looked like it didn't have many enemies, i found a place where it was kind of ok i guess  it was a smaller tree with  bushes around it which made it more cozy? i don't know

i sat there and did nothing thats basically all i did for the next 8 days on day 5 a stray kitty came to me and we bonded she sat with me these last few days even though she left today

im not so sure what kazuha and heizou did when they read my letter, if they even read it not so sure about that too

6 days pass

today was the day I've been awake since around 4 am just wandering around i look dirty, way to skinny, and frumpy i probably stink too

sadly though after 6 hours i didn't find that bridge I've been looking forward too

i just took out my small gun that was approved for me to have because of my job
and placed it under my chin and pulled the trigger it went through quick i was dead

Scaramouche was dead