chelsea

hindrance

I grabbed his hand and placed it on my chest as I force my lips towards his. He hissed and push me off against the wall so hard that my head tingled. I slide down as I gently look up at the man- no that boy. That asshole. He laughed at me and spit beside me, " Ano ba? What the fuck is wrong with you??! I don't like you. I didn't like you. All of it was a joke. Forget about me and-"

" No! I know deep inside that you still want me. Hah!!" I force myself up and punch my fist at his chest. He stepped back and sigh, " Move on, please. I don't want you anymore- I've moved on. I've repented all my sins that I've done and now why did you have to come back? Listen" He grab some of my hair to let me look up at him as he lean in close enough that only I could hear. " We were never a thing. That was all a lie. The wedding? The kids? Your family and shit? No lalaki would ever come to you because you know why?"

He looked deep sorrowfully into my eyes. I could feel his pain in me. The way he stopped felt like he was hesitant to pain me further, he felt like he wanted to stop but because I'm stubborn and I want him so much- he needs to push me away. " You were never good. You think that people like you when in fact no! They like you because you do everything for them. You are a slave and forever a slave. You know what, I did those things because my girlfriend wanted to feel jealous. Thanks to you, she became whatever she is right now"

" You are lying to yourself! I know there is something between us! I know you love me! I know that you just do those things because of your friends and that-"

" Gago! Why can't you understand?? Bat di mo yan isaksak sa kokote mo na di na nga kita gusto!!"

" GUSTO MOKO! Duwag kalang. You fucking want me but because of her, you don't want people to talk about me. Kinahiya moko, that's the truth. But i'm fine, ano ba gusto mo? Mag chchange ako hah para kunin moko? Ano? Gusto mo i friends ko lahat ng friends mo para magustohan nila ako? Ano, sabihin mo kasi gagawin ko lahat. Tangina! Gusto moko, and I want you too. Why can't we just fucking stay together and do the shits we used to do?? Why did you have you fucking leave me in the shitty place?? Why the fuck you left me-"

" You left me! Ikaw yung nag iwan satin. Ikaw yung nang-iwan sakin. Ikaw yung naka move on. Ikaw yung iniwan ako sa ere! Tangina ready na ako sumalo sayo pero ano ginawa mo hah? You fucking left me that I was ready to leave her. I wanted you but you never wanted me. Diba may ex ka din ba!? Edi dun kana pumunta sa kanya"

" Tangina mo rin! I left him because I want to be with you. I fucking want to be with you kaya nandito na nga ako diba?? Ano ba! Pinaghirapan ko pa lahat, mga magulang ko at kapatid ko pinagtaboy na ako dahil pumunta lang ako dito para sayo. Mahal kita, sobrang sobra tas sasabihin moko naka move on kana?! I was shocked. Fucking shocked sayo dahil di mo sinabi may iba pala. Kala ko ako lang-"

" Ikaw nga may iba rin ih, may sinabi ba akong shit sayoo?!"

" Wala. Wala akong iba. Kahit crush, fling, jowa, wala. Sabi ko sayo ikaw lang diba? Sabi ko sayo isang year ako susugal sayo. Sabi ko ikaw lang kahit di ako sure, sinusure ko kasi you gave me hope. You gave me fake shit since I've fallen in love with you. I gave you my love like everything to the point that this is how you react for it. You made me feel that I was a hindrance in the first place"

Tears fell down on their own on my eyes as slowly his grip withered down as he look down at his shoes. The silence of it was killing me intently and the way he responded made me feel dead. " Look, I'm-"

" You were right in the first place, we weren't supposed to be together because I never did care for you. All I wanted from you was attention and that was it. I hope you understand that I'm happy now and being with you will never do anything for us. I can never bet on a girl with such a background as you, truthfully. I'm really sorry if you have to go here and meet me. I'm not-"

I place my finger at his lips to shut him up as I slightly push him aside, and I hold on to the knob of the door. " Yeah. We're strangers. Silly me to think that we could be together here. Silly me to think that you would elope with me to places that I wanted us to be together. Silly me to love someone so shitty as you. You made me realize how shit I am to come here. I just fucking missed you and I thought you would chase after me since you told me you chase girls that you really want. But- no, you never wanted me in the first place" Turn the knob and open it wide as I dashed out till I could feel my feet burning by how fast my heart ripped and eyes bled its tears.