chelsea

lucky

Everytime I look at you it is always different. The way our eyes connect is how I could feel that we have something in the very beginning. My mouth is noisy, hands moving in different directions, and my body is not perfect. Yet you have these moves that swoon me over to you, the way you pull my hand and tightly grip it into yours feels like it was made for it. You would laugh and place your arms around me for an embrace. Pinch my cheeks and compliment me with your sweet words that I jokingly never accept but my insides are melting from joy. There are times that my mistakes were hard to accept, your arms are open wide for acceptance. You said,

" I don't care. I like you by my side always and I believe you will change for the better. I like to be in that change"

There is no day that we are not apart because you will always look for me. We would eat lunch and you would give me your sausages whenever we ate because you know that I like those. Sometimes, whenever I'm tired from my academics, you know that I'm stubborn because I do not need your help. You would not help, but you would try your best not to fall asleep just to cheer me up. We just don't know how to end our conversations since we are talking non-stop like topics that we both know that we are not each other's sides, yet we have this understanding in opening up to one another. You asked, " Why must you have to leave those people who do good for you just because they did something awfully bad at first?"

" Because they broke my trust"

" Yet they have given you times that made you happy, right? They gave you insights, experiences, learnings, and advantages in your growth which made you who you are right now. Yes, they did break your trust but you can still talk to them in a civil manner. Remember, memories are fond to talk to those who were made by them."

" Nope. Even if you think that way. I will never go back, even to you! Even if I'll miss you. I will never ever go back to you"

" Why would you think that? I will never hurt you"

" Why?"

" Because I want you to stay. You said, right? You will never go back to those who hurt you. Then, I won't so you would still stay" You cheekily smile at me as if it was a normal thing to do. Every time we meet up, you would call me by my nickname which you picked which was eleven. I love the number eleven so much that every 11 AM or PM in the day, I would tell you a fact about me. Sometimes, you would tell me a goodnight at that time because you knew I was waiting for you.

I always did wait for you.

Everytime you call me out, you always smile. Genuinely smile at me that I could feel that you are really true to your intentions-

" Eleven! Hey!!"

" Ye-yeah?"

" Sige na, picturan mo na kami"

                  

                                                                                   Right.

" Babe, ano kabaa? Baka na zone-out lang yan kasi puyat. Sige lang eleven, we will wait"

You have a girlfriend na. I mean, you went back to your past lover because you said to me that you can never leave her be. Salot lang kasi ih, after all this time akala ko may something pero wala pala. You were still hoping for her to come back to you and she did.

" Sige, wait lang." My hands were shaking because I just wanted to scream at your face. Smash this camera and make a scene, you lied to me. You made me believe ih na may something.

" I appreciate your feelings and I may have a little crush on you too, but I think we aren't going to work out now."

" Oh okay, thank you for the rejection"

" hindi!! Di naman kita ni reject, we just have to wait diba? We might not know"

I sigh and looked at you seriously, " Then I'll wait for you"

In the end, you made up with your lover because I could never be the same puzzle as her. The perfect fit for your heart. You did not only break my heart, you broke my trust and belief in love. I'm afraid of loving again since in the end, I was in a deep hollow in which our journey ended the day you let go of my hand to save yourself.