wilbur soot x y/n

chapter twenty-seven

Content Warnings: Mentions of Suicide, Suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, running away, Christianity(idk but it's here)

By the time night had finally fallen, we were still three hours away from the next town we were stopping by for the night. I was practically the only person still awake. Of course there were some strangers still awake but I can nearly assure you they didn't go on a hike that's four hours long without an extra twenty people with you.

The entire hike took around six hours because Quackity kept insisting to take breaks every twenty minutes. We honestly could have been done after an a few hours but people just insisted on slowing us down. It was extremely annoying. And my argument with Dream only lasted three minutes, tops. So what was their excuse?

I had actually been messaging Blu before the train began to rumble away and I waved out to her, which she eventually waved back but we were already far past her office. It made me laugh quite a bit at the funny thought.

My mood was actually brightening up quite a bit, mainly due to finding my oldest friend. That was until, a certain song began to play. Any of my close friends, even the ones from Ripon, can all inform you that I am extremely moved by a song. Depending on which one I can laugh, cry, smile, or dance. It just depends.

But with my luck, Twin Size Mattress began to play. Of course Spotify played recommended songs seeing as my playlist stopped playing ages ago. And they were trying to make me sad.

This is for the lions living in the wiry broke down frames
Of my friends' bodies
When the flood water comes, it ain't gonna be clear
It's gonna look like mud
But I will help you swim, I will help you swim
I'm gonna help you swim

Good lord, I'm bit by bit being reminded by all the shit my friends had to go through. I really hated sad songs but I never had the ability to skip songs. Actually, I've never skipped songs mainly because I feel as though all artists should get their time to shine on someones playlist.

This is for the snakes and the people they bite
For the friends I've made, for the sleepless nights
For the warning signs I've completely ignored
There's an amount to take, reasons to take more

For the warning signs I've completely ignored. I hated that line with every atom in my body but I related to it so this song has made it's way to one of my favorites. Even though it hurt me with such extremity.

It's no big surprise you turned out this way
When they close their eyes and prayed you would change
And they cut your hair, and sent you away
You stopped by my house the night you escaped
With tears in my eyes, I begged you to stay
You said, "Hey man, I love you, but no fucking way!"

I heard friends talking about this song when it came out. Talking about who could relate to this song and how dumb it was to talk about mental health in a song. I was just barely thirteen and already related to this song. But I just shoved the feelings away and nodded with them, trying to keep a straight face. And for the kids who did relate to it, they talked about which person in the song they related to. The drunken ones, the people who the snakes bite, the one who ran from home, or the one who begged them to stay.

I was the one who ran. I've always been a coward, being horrified of what would happen if I told anyone what happened. When the song came out, I was still a kid. I didn't know I would run to Blu's window in the dead of night to tell them I was escaping. To tell them they could leave with me. To tell them I refused to stay longer.

I'm sure that we could find something for you to do on stage
Maybe shake a tambourine or when I sing, you sing harmonies

This is for the lake that me and my friends swim in
Naked and dumb on a drunken night
But it should've felt good, but I can hear the Jaws theme song
On repeat in the back of my mind

I always felt on the urge of sinking as a kid. And when I found out I liked girls when I was twelve, I cried so hard. I was always so scared someone would find me out. I only told Blu. Blu was always there for me, helped me out of out town and smiled, even as they faded into the darkness the farther and farther I got from our slice of hell.

They were always there. They were there when I slipped and scratched my knee. When I realized I liked girls too. When we found out two of our friends killed themselves together. When I tried to take my life for the first time. When I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. When I ran away.

I hated the tears in their face when I lightly kissed their cheek and murmured that I loved them. When I said I would wait for them in Brighton until I found them again, even if it meant after death. I would wait for them because that's what best friends do. And they're still my best friend. They'll always be in my heart, whether they like it or not.

I hadn't even realized that fat tears were slipping down my face while I lay my head in the palms of my hands. Not until someone tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned and saw Tech's blue eyes. His face immediately washed over in sadness when he saw the tears coating my face. He picked me up and dragged me over the back of the seat to set me in the empty spot by him.

"Hey, hey, it'll be alright." He murmured, running fingers through my thick hair. I couldn't help but smile when I looked up to see that someone was actually concerned for me and it wasn't my imagination.

I sat back and nodded. Maybe it was going to be alright. Not perfect, not bad. But it will still be alright. I'll keep going, even if it means struggling through the worst parts of my life with someone or by myself. It would be fine if I had my loved ones near me. It would be okay.

"What happened?" Tech asked, sitting back against the cold glass of the train car.

"I was listening to a song and started crying and the song was so relateable it hurt. And I feel so guilty, even though it's been over five years since I left, I still feel like a dick." I explained, resting my head against the backs of the seats. Tech nodded a bit and put his hands on the side of my head.

"It'll be okay, we'll always be here. Even if it's tough, I'll stay by you forever." He responded. A soft smile took hold of his face and pulled me into a hug. "Even if I'm gone and you live after me, I'll still watch you."

"Okay, thanks." I whispered, watching as scenery passed by the window in a bit of a blur. I was still a bit upset over the song and my reaction to it and Tech obviously noticed.

"Want to watch something?" he asked, pointing to his laptop which was hastily closed and pushed to the edge of the table when he heard me crying. I nodded and watched him type his password and open Netflix. He gave me an earbud which I gladly took and snuggled against him.

He clicked onto a show he knows that I love and had decided to download it before we took off, probably knowing that we'd end up in a situation like this, whether it was the same exact one or just something similar. I was glad to relax with a close friend. I always have been, even if we've been lazing around for the past week, it was always nice to sit back and watch something with someone you loved, even if it's just sitting back and watching life pass by.