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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
everything ends, people change, hearts change, love dies, nothing is the same every day.
THE CHEST FEELING: THAT BONE-crushing feeling in your chest when something breaks your heart to the point where you can feel your own heartbreak. the heartbreak that made you realise that after all the good and bad memories, all the good times that you thought were the best moments of your life weren't really worth it in the end.
you can't look at a single picture without thinking about everything you were feeling and asking yourself how you didn't realise. the pictures, the videos, the times you were your happiest and you were so stupid for not realising your good moments were coming to an end.
that's the thing about life, it throws the things that you wouldn't even dream of imagining happening to you and when it does, you feel it all come at you at once.
you feel like the world has stopped moving, like everything in your life was just stopped and put on hold but either way, you don't want to change because you find comfort in your sadness.
your life falls apart at that chest break, you realise that whatever has happened is the worst thing that could ever happen.
Bambi Routledge was used to change, she was used to needing to do things the average teenager shouldn't be doing just to survive.
when she heard the words come out of her twin brother's mouth, she felt that chest feeling, she felt all the reasons for her to keep going disappear whether she liked it or not.
sure, she knew her dad was dead and that he was probably never going to come back but there was still a chance and now she knew that it was never going to happen.
she knew that one day she wouldn't wake up and see him in the living room, cheering her and the pogues on for finding what he had been searching for for years.
even though she didn't want to, she knew that they couldn't rekindle their relationship and put the past behind them.
he was dead, and she knew why. she knew that he didn't just decide to leave one day and never come back, she knew that he didn't abandon his kids just for some stupid gold.
he was killed, by Ward Cameron. the dad to her brother's girlfriend and the dad to the boy that she had formed somewhat of a relationship with, even if it wasn't a good one.
she felt her heart beating out of her chest, the muffled sounds making her just want to go to sleep as she sat in her room, a beer in one hand and a joint in the other.
