Darling Ver's Poetry

i wish i could

i wrote this one when i couldn't figure out how to communicate well unless it was through poetry

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i wish i could

im unable to communicate
to get the right words out
to try to tell you how i really feel

i hate that i cant do that
hate that i cant tell you how i feel
hate that i cant tell you the sickening feeling in my heart
hate that i cant even tell you how my day went without breaking

im stuck in an unknown world
an unknown realm of sickening sadness
an unknown realm of dying self hatred
an unknown realm of myself

the person im supposed to know the best
the person im supposed to be
i dont even know that
sometimes i cant even remember how to breathe

i hate that when i see you upset, i cry
hate that when you get mad, i get scared
hate that the fear you'll leave me like rest is still there

i hate the sickening feeling in my bones
the feeling that makes me feel weak
the feeling that takes away home
the feeling that takes away my will to speak

i wish i could tell you
tell you all the things ive lost
tell you all the things im not proud of
but just like with my self-love

that things i want to tell you get lost
lost in the back of my mind
lost in the breaking feeling of my heart
lost in fear and sorrow that i cant seem to fight

im scared without you there
im scared because of my weaknesses
im scared because without you
i wouldn't know what to do

i wish i could just communicate
communicate those simple silly things
the simple silly ideas that seem to get lost inside my brain
the simple silly feelings that have a hook so deep
its cuts me from the inside out
and it wont allow to sleep a wink

i just wish to be able to communicate
wish things would be easier for you
wish things like distance weren't in our way
wish that my dreams about us would come true

i hate myself for not being able to communicate
hate myself for sometimes even feeling blue
hate myself because without you, im nothing
but with you, im something

with you, i feel like im somebody special
i feel like i belong
i feel like im home
i dont feel like a lost song

i wish could communicate better
all these feelings for you
but that would be a novel or maybe a few

believe me when i say
i truly do love you and want us to last
but with my poor communication
you have to patient
and not get mad