Choosing freedom ➳ Gally

No Fake Smiles

I've been in here almost three weeks.
Ever since they George passed I stayed silent. I got on with whatever I was told to do.

I begged for them not to banish him. But they didn't listen to me. But before it was time to banish him we went to the pit to see him not breathing anymore.
With his wrists cut and blood all over the pit.

He didn't just die, he killed bimself.. So instead I spent the entire night and morning building a grave stone for him and they buried him.

And soon after they carried on like nothing happened.

I built without saying a word. I cooked without saying a word. I took care of anyone injured. Well I had to talk to them.
The only time I talked was when newt would talk to me.
Minho too, but I think Mihno was starting to dislike me. And he liked my sandwiches more. The boys had their stupid questions during lunch.

And I would answer them to avoid them thinking I was anymore weird than I already was. But most nights I couldn't sleep.
I was scared to sleep. Because everytime I close my eyes it's like another small fragment of a memory pops up and it makes me feel so empty.

I wish I'd forgotten everything so I could enjoy being here. But knowing my past makes me feel empty. And selfish for having memories others don't.
I never said a word to Gally after that night.

Even if we spent hours together. I'd take his criticism. I'd take the anger or the extra work he'd give me and stick by it. I'd wake up earlier for all the gladers and spend the morning with the slicers to help them prepare for their food. And breakfast.

I made sure Henry was always eating no matter how much he thought he didn't deserve to eat. And when I had my days in the hut I'd spend my lunches with Clint as an excuse to escape outside.

Sometimes during the nights I couldn't sleep I would decide to familiarise myself with the whole glade. There were huts that no one was allowed in. But I went in.
I manage to find all the four entrances of the maze. Some of them open on different days. Minho knows the pattern. And I've discovered it too.

I still wish to be a runner. Because it brings me hope that I could finally claim my memories as something more.

"Still playing quiet huh?" Newt rests on the bed as I wrap a new weekly bandage for his bruised up leg and he grins at me as I force a smile.

"You know the shanks only give me one hair tie. You know how sad it would be if I lose it." I say to him showing him my hair tie and he laughs sitting himself up.

"Yet somehow I thought you couldn't get sadder." He laughs joking but honestly I don't think he's lying.
I put a fake smile on. But inside, I just wish I could let the grieves take me.

"You've almost got your hut finished. The builders tell me you've been working real hard on it." He changes the subject and I nod kind of excited to get a hut.

"Yeah, I've just got to fit in my bed in and Gally's making the door. But I'll be surprised if he doesn't rig it to make it fall on me-"

"We have this topic of conversation every week." Newt starts and I groan knowing what his words are going to be.
"He doesn't hate you."

"He does! Look ever since George-"
"Hey George was out his bloody mind. He was stung." Newt says and I shake my head protesting.
"W-what, what if he's right-"

"It doesn't matter. You're here now." He says as he smiles at me trying to comfort me.
"And quite frankly you're the only normal person here. Apart from Alby. And you too Clint."
Newt shoots him a smile from the other bed and he smiles at Newt back.