[MABONTLE]
Seven months down, two more to go. They better fly by like minutes because I am exhausted. I cannot wait to meet this cargo I am carrying. I wonder a lot about who he or she is going to look like. Wouldn’t mind having a carbon copy of the hubstar if it’s a boy. I have decided that I want the gender to be a surprise.
I adjust the cushion behind me on the bed so I can sit properly. I miss him. If he was here he’d be giving me a foot rub, which always ends with me naked and under him. Cannot say I don’t miss that as well. My vag walls involuntarily clench at the thought. Flashbacks are having me nicely right now and making the situation worse. Let me call him.
It rings the first time and he doesn’t answer. He shortly comes back to me when I was about to try him again.
‘Hey baby’
‘My Helen of Troy’ he greets and my lips curve into a smile.
‘How are you? Are you busy?’
‘I am but I can talk. What’s up?’
‘I miss your foot massages’ I sulk. He laughs.
‘Is that all you miss?’
‘And some magical and delicious part of you’
‘Magical, you say? So I’m delicious?’
I can tell he’s blushing.
‘Delicious is an understatement’
He laughs out loud. ‘You’ll have access to all that tonight. I’m on my way back home but I still have something important to sort out then I’ll be en route’
‘You’ll find me waiting if I don’t dose off because you know my preggy problems’
‘Don’t force yourself to keep awake even when you feel that sleep is defeating you. I’ll wake you up when I get home. I love you, okay? I have to go’
‘I love you too’
I stand up from the bed when I hear the noise coming from outside. When I check through the window, I find Masedi playing soccer with Junior on the grass – dribbling him like he’s never played the sport before. I’m not surprised because she’s played since Grade One when she was still in public school. I find myself smiling at this interaction. Maybe their relationship will just end at just friendship. They look like they’d make good friends so I’m done meddling even though it still makes me anxious. I continue watching them play until they tire. I see her coming back into the house and I go out to go meet her in the guest room she’s currently occupying. She’s being taken back to school tomorrow morning so let’s just have this conversation now. I wait for her to get done washing her face and I ask her to come sit with me on the bed.
‘How has your stay been here?’ I ask. That radiant smile tells me we were good hosts.
‘I enjoyed spending time with you, and everyone else. Meeting Aunty Lisebo was the best part of it all’
Her happiness and safety are a priority to me so I am glad to hear her speak in this manner.
‘Can we have an uncomfortable conversation?’ I prod. Her brows pull together.
‘Okay?’
‘You know that I always want the best for you, right?’
She nods.
‘That best does not include dating, for now’
She laughs. I was expecting some harsh words or for her to dismiss me.
‘If this is about Junior, I promise you that he’s not the kind of boy I would date’ – she twists her mid finger around her index to swear – ‘Not that I’ve started dating’, she quickly adds.
I am still not convinced.
‘We’ve been following each other on social media since that day of your wedding. I have seen the kind of things he gets up to and the fact that you think I can date him is… euuww’ she grimaces in disgust. I forgot how dramatic she can get.
‘Okay. Promise to keep it that way with him and all the other boys till matric? Boys will do nothing but delay you and waste your time. They’re not worth it, trust me’
‘I swear Mabobo’ she’s getting impatient with me. I want to see her realize her dream of becoming a software developer. I’ve been saving money for her varsity days from the first month I got paid because she’s never going through the same struggles as I did, even though I believe she will get funding. It will still be hers anyway.
…
[NARRATED]
When Nqobile wakes up from her nap, she hears by the shower running that Fikani hasn’t left. This gives her mixed emotions; a part of her feels mad that he feels he can just do whatever he wants, while another is happy that he’s still there with her. She gets off the bed and leaves the room. She decides against making dinner from scratch and orders in some rice and curry. He comes down moments later and finds her seated on a bar stool – watching and smiling at TikTok videos. He grabs a chair as well and they sit facing each other. She puts her phone away and waits for him to start the conversation.
‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you’ he says, with his one hand on her calf. She’s used to this gesture by him. He always told her how much he loves her legs. Her grandmother always tells her how she got her ‘izitho’ from her and that she owes her for that.
‘You’ve never been there, Fikani. And you’re not sorry, just feeling guilty’
‘What do you mean I’ve never been there for you Nwa-Vilakati?’
‘There’s no amount of talking that is going to fix this. I won’t allow you to make me feel small any longer. I can raise this baby by myself. I actually want her and even though we’re over, I’m surprisingly glad that she’s yours. Do you still eat curry?’
He smiles.
‘It was never my intention to make you feel small. I was always available when you needed me. You’re the one who decided to put an end to us’
‘I was there before both these women but you still chose them over me, while busy making empty promises to me’
‘You know why I had to marry Boitumelo. It was to buy her dad’s favour’
‘I don’t know because you’ve never told me what that was all about’
He sighs. ‘I led a very complicated life before this and it’s not something I am willing to let you in on. I just need you to trust that marrying her does not automatically equate to me loving you less. Please stop thinking in that manner’
He wipes her tear with his thumb and mouths an ‘I’m sorry, love’.
‘You still look sexy in black’ she compliments and he laughs.
‘And you’re still as random as ever’
Her shaky giggles come out and he continues to stare at her.
‘Do you love her?’ she asks.
‘Who?’
‘Your wife’
‘Do you want the truth or should I say what you want to hear?’
She rolls her big eyes.
‘I do. In fact, I love her in ways I cannot explain’
She nods – the heartbreak evident on her face.
‘And I love you too’
‘You don’t love me Fikani, you love how I love you. Stop it’
‘The problem with you is that you want everything to be either this or that. There’s a lot of grey between black and white. A ring symbolizes nothing. If men can marry women they don’t love, why can’t the inverse also be true?’
The delivery guy arrives and Fikani insists that she remains seated. He fetches the food package and dishes up for both of them.
‘Doesn’t this food make you sick afterward?’ he asks.
‘Not really. You’re actually the third person to ask me that. Mine I eat anything and everything’
He nods as he pours her some juice and Coke for himself.
‘You used to buy and keep my beer in your fridge when you still lived in Centurion. Do you remember?’
She lets out a light laughter as she chews.
‘That was when I was still head over heels for you’
‘Past tense? That hurts my heart’
‘I hope the pain is as severe as the one you’re always serving me’
‘Don’t go there. Have you told your mom that I’m responsible for the damage?’
‘Not yet, she’d hate you. I haven’t even gone home ever since I found out that I’m pregnant. I am still trying to figure out how I am going to break the news to her’
‘Leave her to me’
She just continues eating and doesn’t respond.
‘How did you find out?’ he asks.
‘My grandmother just gave me a suspicious look, told me that she just wants to see the back of my knees and then the rest was history’
He laughs. ‘I still wonder how they can tell. And you’re making her keep this secret for you?’
‘Please don’t stress me any further’
‘I wasn’t trying to stress you. I am just disappointed that you didn’t feel it was safe enough to let me know. What did you think I was going to do? Chase you away?’
‘It isn’t about that. It’s about me wanting to start on a clean slate, and forcing myself to move on’
‘I don’t like the sound of that. And why punish the child for my sins? She deserves to know her father, regardless of whatever chaos might be happening between the two of us’
‘Look, you can be a part of Zoe’s life but romantically, we have nothing more to talk about’
‘I really broke your heart, didn’t I? For you to even intend on keeping her away from me?’
‘In the worst way possible’
His hand extends to her bump and he brushes it softly.
‘Well, thank you for deciding to keep her. I’m happy you did not abort and although this was never part of the plan, I promise to do right by you, okay?’
She does that thing of hers of keeping quiet and not affording him any response, even though he’s expecting one.
…
