[SLOW UPDATES/ON HOLD]
She has long ago lost the desire to be alive. She is broken and bleeding. She was masking her tears with a smile so beautiful. She's tired of constantly fighting the demons to stay alive. She has given up on her life and herse...
I threw the papers that I was reading into the air with frustration. There's just so much to read and remember. And I'm unable to go through at least one sheet of paper. My brain seems to be interested in everything else except the work at hand. I placed my head in my hands and closed my eyes, feeling miserable and frustrated. After staying like that for a while, I opened my eyes and heard the playful voices of kids playing on the road in front of my bedroom.
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There's laughter filled in the atmosphere. Cheerfulness is dancing in the air. I sat straight in my wheelchair and decided to go to the balcony as I thought seeing the people outside and some open air would help a little. I wheeled myself to my balcony and sat there. A few kids were playing cricket on the street, as it was a Sunday. A few puppies are eating something an older man fed them. Aww look at those angels. If only I could adopt at least one. But I hope they find a home filled with love and care, I thought to myself. The people on the street look like they are void of struggles. There's so much life just on a narrow street. The vibe on the street is exactly quite opposite to what I feel on the inside of me. What have I done so horribly? Where did I go wrong? I contemplated, only to feel even more miserable. I spent some more time on the balcony, with nature and watching the kids play and make up new rules in the game, that never existed in the game of cricket as we know it.
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I heard my phone go off with two new notifications on my desk and decided to get back into my room. Just as I was about to go inside, "Oh shit!!", the cricket ball landed on my balcony floor, causing me to jerk as it nearly hit my head. "Sister, sorry sister. Please throw the ball, sister", the kids kept apologizing and requesting. Even though that incident startled me, I did not want to be mean to them. "That's alright", I picked up the ball and threw it at them. Of course, it was the weakest throw, which embarrassed me in front of the kids. "Thank you and sorry sister". Those kids said for the final time, and I went back into my room.
Once back, I picked up my phone and checked the new notifications. They are from the manager of the cafe where I'm currently working as a content creator for their Instagram page. He sent me a few professionally clicked photographs and asked me to make a new post, highlighting their winter special coffees. I quickly replied to him and kept my phone away. I took a few deep breaths and decided to work on it. But before that, I picked up all the scattered papers, arranged them accordingly, placed them in my binder, and then started working on my laptop, creating content to post. But that proved to be tough as my brain was blank. I'm trying my very best to focus and get the job done. "Come on Yamini, please. Do it. They are paying you for fuck sake damn it". I somehow got myself to work on it for quite some time. "Yamini, come and have lunch", my mother came to my room. "Yeah, Amma. I'll be there in just a few minutes, please". I said to her, now wanting to finish my work. After working for another half an hour, I posted on their page and decided to rush to the table to have lunch before my mom lost her cool.
