love again. | h.hj

7 - <daffodils>

Hyunjin's POV

I was typing frantically on my computer that I didn’t even realize the time, not until Minho knocked on my door to ask me if I would like to join them for lunch.

I looked at the stack of papers on my desk and back at Minho, “Can you just grab me a burger on the way? I’m afraid I can’t leave these.” I say with a pleading smile.

Minho sighs, “Okay, but promise me to eat a proper meal for dinner.”

“Isn’t a burger already a proper meal?” I chuckle with sarcasm evident in my voice. “Not until you start to keep eating it everyday!” There was a rise in the tone of Minho’s voice as he crosses his arms on his chest.

“Yeah yeah, I promise. I’ll eat a proper meal later.” I say with a forced eye smile, already getting annoyed by his nagging.

And with that, I have convinced Minho to get out of my office and to go get that burger I was asking for.

I kept working on my paper works until 30 minutes has passed, Han gave me the burger I was asking for. I decided to take a stroll around the company while eating it. Every one of my workers that I passed by was startled by my sudden presence and immediately bowed down to me.

I was about to take one last bite from my burger when I saw a familiar face yet again. It's Yumi, Nari's friend! She's wearing formal work attire, so I wonder why she's here. I saw her here the other day, with the same kind of outfit. 

It's weird, and I'm curious as to why she's here. But I can't be too nosy since we don't even know each other that well. So I just shrugged it off and continued on in my day. 

I have a quite long break, one hour and thirty minutes at most. So I decided to explore the outside world for a while. I've been appreciating even the littlest things nowadays, like flowers and the breeze that moves the hair out of my face. 

Because you don't know how special something is until you've lost it. Or in my case rather, someone. 

I was taking a picture of a daffodil I found along the streets. I also tried taking a video of the sky since it's all clear, unlike the other day it was all storms and grey skies. I was taken aback when my camera landed on two familiar people. 

Everything was going smoothly, everything was going fine. I've only been drinking wine and nothing much more stronger than that. I thought I was healing. But what I saw opened my stitched up wound, and soon, started bleeding all over again. Who knew someone could open a healed up scar like that?

It's her. All smiles and laughs while I'm right here, unable to move. I didn't know someone's simple smile could hurt me so much like that. It feels like I'm the only one left alone in the past, and that feeling is weighing down my back, like a burden.

The laugh of her and the other people that are surrounding me started echoing in my head. Like a broken melody playing from a broken vinyl. It rings in my ears, as if their laughs are a millions of decibels more than a human can bear to hear. 

I should feel grateful for her happiness. I should congratulate her for moving on from me so quickly. But why does it hurt? Why does it hurt to see her loving someone else?

My break ended a little too soon, as I quickly went back to my office after the unfortunate encounter with Nari and Renjun. 

The first spot of my office that I went to was my cabinet. I quickly shuffled through all sorts of things until I found my bottled medication sitting in there. 

It was a pill for calming my anxiety. I quickly swallowed one, and breathed in and out to further calm myself. I threw myself on my swivel chair, feeling like all blood was drenched out of my body. 

I decided to call it a day, despite only working through half of the day. I tried reading through my files, my usual work, but all I could see were scribbled doodles like letters. I couldn't make myself focus. I told Jisung to handle the rest for me, he only replied with a sigh and a nod. 

I went home by myself after that. 

I went straight to my art room that Nari and I designed. I was an artist, and she loved art so she approved of putting an art room in our shared mansion. 

This was the only healthy coping mechanism I had. I express my lingering feelings through the canvas, with each stroke of my brush, I feel myself calm down and in a state of serene. 

I didn't have a specific reference nor idea in mind, I just kept stroking, I just kept painting as I slowly lost myself in my thoughts. 

After a long moment of painting, I found my hands and clothes covered in splashes of different shades and hues of colours. 

In my canvas, lies a beautiful bright, yellow, wild daffodil. With some of its petals falling to the ground. It symbolises rebirth, and new beginnings. Which I hope to achieve in this lifetime. 

I was pulled out of the trance when I heard the door of my art room open with a click. I turned around to see Nari. “You're already home.” I say in a monotone. Nari only nodded, a slight smile found its way to her lips as she saw the canvas that was in front of me. 

“That's a nice piece.” She says as she starts approaching me. “what does it symbolise?” she asks in a soft tone. I could only remain silent, I didn't want to talk to her today. I turned my head the other way and took a step back. 

I hear her sigh. “I'll cook dinner, what do you want?” I only shook my head. “I already ate dinner, don't bother.” I answer, in a neutral tone yet again. 

I was about to reach for the doorknob, not until she spoke. “Me and Renjun got back together.”

I turned to face her, and gave her an irritated expression. But then it changed once I remembered that this whole ordeal was my fault. I forced out a small smile. “I hope the both of you stay strong then.” It came out insincere, but it didn't matter. 

I went out, not waiting for her reply anymore.