The Boyfriend (The Camgirl Part 3)

Part LXIII: Nothing is Ever Certain

Blake

Blake thumped down on the couch across from Dr. Cardaso like her limbs weighed a million pounds. She wasn't sneezing anymore, thanks to the cold meds, but she'd worn one of those surgical masks just in case. She didn't want Dr. Cardaso getting sick. The doctor had been OK with Blake coming to see her in person instead of doing a remote session, though. Blake was grateful for that. She was glad that Dr. Cardaso didn't have anything against doing remote sessions, especially for once you went back to school, but there was something different about doing things face to face.

Letting herself sink into the couch, Blake took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them and looked at Dr. Cardoso, the therapist had an unreadable expression on her face.

"I don't think I'm going to bother asking you how you're doing this time."

Blake took another deep breath and nodded, "Probably a good idea for the sake of time. The last few days have been..."

"Rough?"

"That might be an understatement."

Dr. Cardaso winced at that.

"Where do you want to start?"

Blake had to think for a moment to answer that.

Since her talk with Liam, she hadn't been able to get her head on straight. It had persisted through her show, and for whatever reason, her body had decided that if she and Liam were fighting, it wasn't going to cooperate either, so she'd had to endure a bunch of sneezing fits that night, and it had only taken about half an hour for her nose to start hurting. Her viewers—the regulars, at least—had been fine to just talk and tip her, and she hadn't really even needed to get undressed. She had taken off some clothes and wrapped a blanket mostly around herself, leaving certain parts of her skin uncovered so that she didn't get too hot, and she could have something to tease with, even though she had not felt at all sexy. She hadn't done incredible that night, but she hadn't done bad. Blake knew she couldn't depend on that sort of goodwill all the time, though, and that train of thought had fucked her up quite a bit throughout the past few days since then.

"Blake?"

Blake shook herself, blinking as she met the doctor's gaze again, "Sorry."

Guess that's as good a place to start as any.

"I had a fight with Liam," she started, going to run a hand through her hair, and then taking off her beanie once she remembered she was wearing that, " I'll get to that in a bit, but even though that's put me in a shit mood, and I haven't talked to him since then it's not the only thing that's been bothering me".

Dr. Cardaso nodded, "Go on."

"I had a show after we fought. I think only about 20 minutes after. So, I was in a shit mood, I didn't feel sexy, and I was also sneezing every five seconds, so I didn't feel physically or mentally up to doing what I would usually do and really putting on a show for my viewers. So, I sat there and cuddled up, and was even pretty much just wearing a blanket and showing almost nothing at one point. I just sat there and talked with them and shot the shit, and though a lot of people came in and left, a lot of my regular viewers—who are there almost every show and are the people that normally tip me—just seemed happy to chill and talk and tip me for random shit. I didn't make a ton of money, but more than I would have made working minimum wage for an 8-hour day. Even factoring in taxes."

"And that's been bothering you?"

"Not by itself. I... Later that night, I couldn't stop thinking about how nice that was, but how I can't really depend on that sort of goodwill regularly. And then that spiraled toward me realizing that I don't really have anyone that I can depend on like that at the moment. Liam is my boyfriend, but he was also a really good friend before that, when he wasn't really an option. Chloe is great, and she's usually there when I need her, but I know she has her own stuff going on, and both she and Liam are in other states at the moment. Other than that, I'm supposed to be able to depend on my family, but my grandparents are retired and already do too much for me, their son—my dad—is in jail, so as much as I love him I can't depend on him, and even though I didn't like it, I was depending on my mom for a while, but then she fucking died. And for a moment, I even thought about taking some of the money to set aside for myself, but I don't want that sort of help from her, and then that would be taking away from my dad, which is an absolute shit thing to do because he has zero resources, and his life will be absolutely fucked he gets out of prison, so he'll need all the help he can get."