iHave A Mother (iCarly FanFic)

Chapter 2

Carly sits down next to me and for a moment I observe her face. In her eyes I see sadness, madness and confusion all mixed together. "Spence" Carly says softly. "I hate talking about this" she mumbled. A sad smile forms on my face "I know you do" I tell her. I wait for her to start the conversation, but she seems to hesitate about how to begin. I notice her looking over at Freddie and wait for her to look back. "I- I was so surprised that she was there" Carly tells me. I nod "I was too" I confirm to her. "B- she doesn't even know me." Carly says with more madness in her voice.

I breath out with a deep sight. "That's what you think," I tell Carly "but your half life is on the Internet." I note. "That doesn't mean she knows Carly." Freddie says from behind the kitchen counter. "Carly is way more than just a girl in front of a camera, you should know that." He says. "Absolutely!" I confirm to Freddie before turning to Carly again. "of course you're more, way more, I know that! What I mean is, mom does know a lot about you because of the webshow." I tell her again. "She doesn't know me for me." Carly says clearly

Freddie sits down next to Carly and I notice him whispering something to her. "Why is she at your house?" Carly asks after a little while. Her voice is more shaky than before and I see her holding Freddie's hand tightly. "Well.. I didn't plan to get her there at first. I also want you to know I'm not doing this because I want you to instantly love mom." I state before telling her why. I know my sister and I know she is anxious for anything I'm about to say.

By her body language I see how she feels. Her elbows are placed on her knees with her arms still close to her chest and she's sitting up at the edge of the couch.

"When you two were headed home from the wedding I talked to her in the venue. She talked about my youth and since I did miss her too for years that made me feel good" "so you took her home!?" Carly interupts me with an angry undertone. "Please listen to me, I'll explain." I tell Carly. I get why she is asking this it but I can't stand that she won't listen.

Freddie puls Carly back a little bit, "go on" he tells me. "Uh.. the recalled memories made me feel good, but that wasn't the reason. It wasn't until I looked straight into moms eyes and realised what it would do if she walked away again, then I decided to let her in my home." I see Carly's eyes widen, "she could still do that Spencer.. she did it before." Carly says defending.

"Mom told me why she came.." I tell Carly without responding to wat Carly just said. "why?" Carly asks. "Mom told me she wants to be present, she wants to see our lives. But only if we were willing too." I say. "Well, I don't want that." Carly says. "I know you don't.. not right now. But I realised one other thing when she said this." Carly looks at me with madness in her eyes, unamused by the fact that I let mom come to my house.

"Carly, I couldn't let mom walk away.. not again." I tell her. "She came to search for us. If I let her go away.." I have to swallow away the lump that's forming in my throat. "I couldn't imagine depriving you of the opportunity to get to know mom if she walked away again." I say softly. "what if I let her walk away and you wanted to talk to her.. I couldn't take that chance away from you. I would have never forgiven myself if I did that." I say softly trying to hold tears for falling.

There's a long silence as Carly stares at the wall. I know it's a lot to take for Carly but I care about her and I want to give her time to realise what this means to her.

🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬

She never once showed me any form of connection.. not once did she call or write a letter. I only got all this fear of commitment to relationships because of her, nothing can fix tha-

The door gets slammed and I snap out of my thoughts. "Who!?" I shout in response before I look around and see Millicent walk around.

"Millicent, can you please go to another place.. we're in an privet conversation" I hear Freddie say nicely, I look around and find Spencer's gaze. "Are you okey?" I don't answer and look over to Freddie as I wait for him to sit down next to me. "You've been sitting just staring for like 10 minutes." Freddie says as he plants his butt on the couch again.

"Sometimes you would say a word or ask something but you didn't respond to us." Spencer says, "Sorry" I whisper. "No.. no, I understand this is a lot to you."Spencer says, "just know I want you to have the choice. I nod to him "thank you" I say to him. I let my head lean on Freddie's shoulder.
"Can I ask a question" He says softly, almost shy. "About your mom.." he says slowly.

I look at Freddie and nod, "h-how young were you when-" he hesitates and grabs my hand, I look at him and give him a smal smile to show him I know what wil follow. "-when your mom left you?" Freddie follows up while loudly breathing out. I close my eyes to grow confidence to talk about it.

"It is okey if you don't want to talk about it, you choose what you share." Freddie says as I feel his fingers trail over my hand, I open my eyes to look at it. I feel safe with his comfort and look at the movement for a couple of seconds before, just a number, I can say it. I motivate myself. "Six" I say as fast as I possibly can. "Six?" Freddie repeats slow as he lets go of my hand. "Carly, that must have been unbearable." Freddie says. I can't get myself to look at Freddie's face so I turn to Spencer again. I see he bowed his head down, then the feeling of panic gets into me again.

My breathing gets harder and I turn to Freddie once again, our eyes meet instantly, "please comfort me." I say hushing. Freddie gets my hint and takes my hand in his again, "shhh, we're here.. Spencer and I are both with you, we'll keep you safe, I promise." I breath trough my nose to catch fresh air. "you only say and do what you want, when you're ready for it, don't panic to much" Freddie continues. As I breath trough my nose for a couple of times I calm down again, i let myself fall backwards to the back of the couch as I relax my body.

"Sorr-" "no." Freddie interrupts, "never be sorry for panicking. That just happens." As I smile to Freddie I see that Spencer walked away from us. "S-Spence?" I ask softly as I sit up more straight again. I see how my brother leans onto the kitchen counter top and bows his head down. "Spencer?" I don't wait for response and stand up to walk towards him and then place my hand on his back. "What's wrong?" I question. "I'm just trying the best I can" he exhales. I turn to Freddie with a concerned look "for what?" I ask. Spencer turns around and looks at me. "You." his voice breaks as he says it, I see how his eyes get watery. "I'm trying my best for you.. I want you to be happy." He says.

Before I say anything I pull him into a hug, one he needed badly, I could sense that.

~
It's finally done, the second chapter!!
The start of deepening our this story, although I don't really know where to go with it, this is probably one of the most important parts of the story.
Hope you like it, you all just feel as much emotions as I felt during the writing.

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Guys I'm so devastated by the Quite On Set doc... new information on how it was on sets and what really happened. Also I see everyone on tiktok and Twitter talk about how Jerry was always on set even if he didn't have scenes.. idk where we heard that (might be because 1 part of the docu is missing in tiktok, where I watched it) but I love the spirrit and anyway in all old D.Schneider video's Jerry was around on set and often making sure to get the attention to him, protecting the younger generation around him❤️

Drake Bell's story broke me! I loved Drake & Josh as a kid/teen (when it was repeated on Nick here) so I'm really in shock of his story.

Anyway, I see people comment that Miranda should talk up too. Yes, I somewhat agree, but she also has worked for Nickelodeon and with Dan Schneider for a long time, she also as a young teen had to play scenes that were more than 'funny moments' she was also filmed for dan's YouTube channel and totally looked up and down on screen! I can't imagine the impact that must have on a teen living that. She is allowed to hold back, she has her own feelings and might have traumatic experiences too. I think it's totally fine that she doesn't share anything publicly.
Ofcourse I do hope she reached out to her former colleagues to talk about it, to share their experiences and grow in own processes if that is needed.

That's all I wanted to say about the Documentary.

Now:
Drake Bell has also brought out a beautiful song this week called; ' I KIND OF RELATE ', I have it on repeat the whole time, Drake is such a  good musician!  Truly a must listen!! (The 'see what's inside' reverence too!🥺🥹)

Okey, I talked long enough (this almost could be a complete different chapter)
Byee