DARLING, YOU'RE HIGH AGAIN.

CH 39: Darling, You're High Again.

"To love is to suffer and there can be no love otherwise." - Fyodor Dostoevsky

-

"We could've die together."

It was barely a composed sentence, but those four words meant almost thousand of things.

We all die; the flowers that once bloomed so beautifully will always wither, the thoughts inside our head will always die out once we fell asleep, emotions disappear, the poet will aways ran out of words for their poetry, memories will be forgotten by time, love won't last, rains doesn't pour for forever, the days will end until the start of anew, visions will became blurry once pupils became stale, the holy god is dead to the eyes of a none-believer, voices will became slow and mellow, even the fire will cease once there is not enough fuel to keep it's flames strong. Humans is no different from these things-we die of sickness, old age, accidents, of birth or perhaps of murder. Nothing in this world could make it to eternity, not even the word "eternity" itself could prove it's meaning for it's simply a fraud.

"Die together?" Felix suppressed a laugh, "That's not too bad, if you let me kill you, then that is."

The crimson haired man stayed quiet as he is. Felix must've mistaken his careless whispers for another whimsical scheme. Sam wanted to tell Felix that he wasn't talking to him, he wanted to let him know that he was conversing with no other than his own mind. But by the way things are right now-he didn't say anything, instead he goes by the flow even if he'll be swept away by it's waves to the wonder depths of the unknown.

To be killed by you is a blessing on it's own, although i've been yearning to kill my own life all these years.

"No, darling, you won't get your hands dirty, the one who will kill me is myself. That's always been my faith." Sam's voice is mone tone, as if he'd known that his life would end on his own hands for his entire life.

Felix let out breathes that he's been holding, he doesn't know why exactly but he can never get himself used to this serene atmosphere at all, he can't even remember when was the last time that this man beside him acted this discreet. He's uneasy but he also felt the most safe.

"What way of death do you prefer?" It is such a stupid question. Felix thought to himself.

The crimson haired man in the other hand was thingking for awhile, he's drowning heartily into his own thoughts. The question keep replaying inside his head like a film clip he wanted to scrutinize until he finds the right emotion to ventilate it's significance.

Death... Death, Death? Death.

"Well-when i was still a child i always think that i will never be a happy man, that i'm doomed to die in misery. So i always tell myself that i will die young, no matter how or what way my death will be, but young. A gun is not too bad, burning bullet aiming for the flesh, making you bleed to death until you die of hemorrhage like my mother. Or rather a knife, sharp metal that comes with a sharp pain. We could go to a cold and lonely beach somewhere, drown our lungs into sorrow. Maybe drug ourselves until our hearts can't take the lethal chemical running through our veins. We can set this house into blazing fire until we burn with it. Help me choose darling, maybe you have something in mind." He sounded serious enough, and that terrifies the latter.

It took a couple seconds for Felix to redeem himself, he felt so strange. Suddenly he had the desire to confess something, no, he wanted to assure something, someone.

"We can die no matter what way, it doesn't really matter, it's just a silly question. You know... no matter how much i hate you, even if i deeply despise you-if i were to commit suicide with someone, i'd like it to be you, then we will go to hell together."