Star Crossed

Gavin

Instead of goin to the bar after shift I go straight home. Too tired for anything else. Luke's in the kitchen when I get in. 

"You look rough." He states sliding a plate of food over to me. 

"Thanks." I mutter sitting at the island and digging in. 

"Nadine's goin home first thing." He says causing me to pause mid bite. 

"What?" I ask, eyebrows furrowing.

He busies himself so he isn't looking at me. 

"She's back. I saw her when I took trash out. Some girls with her too. They're bringing Nadine home." He states matter of factly. 

I don't know where to start with that statement. It was loaded and he knew it. 

"She told you that?" I decide to go with. 

"She didn't have too. The hospital called to let you know." He shrugs. 

"But you spoke with her?" I ask standing up. 

"I said hello." He says facing me finally. He looks smug. 

Of course, he did because this is Luke, nicest guy around. He's always liked her. 

"Thanks for the heads up." I state before leaving the kitchen. 

"She looks good!" He calls behind me. Shaking my head, I tuck Kai in and kiss his head before going to shower. 

I pull on shorts and a wife beater before closing my door. I walk over to my window and move the curtain. 

Sure, enough next door the house is lit like a damn Christmas tree. 

Movement in the window across from mine draws my attention. My heart speeds up. How could I forget that her room was across from mine? 

Her long dark hair trails to her bottom. She looks pale so I assume she isn't in the south anymore. At least not much. I shove the curtain open more to see what she's doing. 

Her fingers are tangled in her hair and she's talking. She must be on the phone. 

I force myself to drop the curtain and step back. I have to keep my distance. 

I sit on my bed and grab my guitar. After an hour of writing, I set it down and force myself to get some sleep. With my morning suddenly clear I can spend time with Kai. 

I spend most of the night tossing and turning. Restless has become a new thing for me. This is a different type of exhaustion. One that stems from a dark past that haunts me every time I get a second to breathe. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the morning I make breakfast for Kai and me. We get cleaned up and head to the store for some groceries. I don't normally take him but the last week and a half we haven't seen much of each other. 

"Milk!" He cheers when I grab a gallon and stick it in the cart. 

Ruffling his hair, I head towards the fresh produce. 

Rounding the corner when a familiar voice sends goose flesh throughout my body. 

"I need to know what you can eat mother. Just tell me!" She grits out. "Fine, I'll call the doctor myself then." Huffing she hangs up. Her body looks tense. I take slow careful steps backwards to avoid her seeing us. This is the last place that should happen. 

Deciding to finish shopping tomorrow we cash out quickly. I buckle Kai into his seat and sigh leaning back against the headrest. 

I'm a coward. This isn't news to me. 

Turning the key in the ignition I drive back home. Kai helps me put the groceries away then we watch cartoons before I make lunch and we head to the daycare. Dropping him off and heading into work. 

My mind elsewhere though. 

Something small hits me in the head and I glare at my manager. 

"You're a million miles away." Lacey states. Popping her chewing gum. 

"I haven't been sleeping well." I state. 

"Kai?"

"No, that stage is over." I sigh. 

"Do you know what makes your work great?" She asks me cocking her head. 

"What?"

"It's raw. Use whatever is going on in your life." Nodding I grab my guitar again and pick up where we left off. 

 The problem is these songs feel over played. Songs I've been singing for a year and a half now. I should show her the songs I wrote after Anna-Leigh left. if she wants raw. 

I probably would if I weren't so ashamed of the person that I was back then. Although it led me to Kai who saved my damn life it isn't a time I like to revisit often if at all. 

Finally, we wrap it up and I head to the grocery store to finish my shopping. I grab fruit and vegetables along with something quick for me. 

When I get back to the house Luke heads out making me furrow my brows, but he leaves without a peep. 

I put the food away and heat my meal up before sitting down at the table. I take one bite before my stomach resists. Sighing I stand and toss it in the trash and wash my fork. 

I lean against the counter and bow my head. I never thought she would come back, I never thought I would have to relive everything all over again yet here I am. Right back where I was three years ago. 

Clenching my fist, I stand up and head up the stairs. I tuck Kai in and kiss his head then I sit at his bed side and watch him sleep until calm washes over every inch of me. 

I dug myself out of that hole, I am no longer that person. And I highly doubt she is the same as she was back then either. That has got to be good enough. I repeat it over and over hoping one day soon I'll believe it so I can sleep, eat and work at least. 

My episodes were becoming further and fewer between. What a crock of shit. We can't run from our past forever. 

Finally, I stand and head to my room. Shutting my door and lying on the bed, I don't even bother to change.