Star Crossed

Anna-Leigh

I push the Chinese around the carton. I should be in bed, but I know it's pointless. Syd comes back in around midnight, and I sag in relief.

"Oh, good you're up." She beams sitting beside me at the table. 

She slides a piece of paper in front of me, but I don't want to talk about work right now.  I slide it away and meet her gaze.

"She wants to tear the house down." I state folding my hands.

"That's good right?" Syd asks confused.

"I thought I'd be happy about it." I admit.

She takes my hand in hers and sighs. 

"It is good. What's eating you?" She asks.

"She wants him to come over tomorrow when he's off work." I sigh leaning back.

"Okay, we'll go out then." She shrugs. 

"I need to tell you something." I breathe.

"Please don't." She says holding a hand up. "I overheard you last night and I cannot hear it again." 

"Oh." I state, surprised.

"I was bringing her tea." She explains.

"That was the first time I ever said it out loud."

"And the last I hope." She mutters. "I need to tell you something too." She admits looking extremely uncomfortable. 

"What is it?" I ask. 

"When I was next door today." She fidgets as if she's unsure how to say whatever it is. 

"It's alright, just say it." I sigh. 

"He has a kid. A little boy. He's one." She admits. It's like a punch to my gut. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised. Life went on after all. For both of us. But it also dawns on me that I was gone three years which means he didn't waste any time. 

"Okay." I swallow. 

"He was very forth coming about the situation. At first he played it off but then something changed." She continues. 

"I really don't want to know." I state, bile rising in my throat. 

"Anna-Leigh. His son's mother was drugged and raped. Right after he found his mom dead. The person that did it is in prison now. But when it happened quite a few girls came forward."

The way she's speaking makes my stomach tighten and it seems I can hear the words before she says them.

"It was the same guy that did it to you." She admits. 

I make a noise that's somewhere between a laugh and a choked sob. Chris used to be one of Gavin's best friends. At the time it made sense in the most painful way as to why he never believed me. 

Anger nips at my brain though. 

"Who was his son's mother?" I force the words out though I have a pretty good idea already. 

"Casey." She murmurs.

I close my eyes for a second before nodding slowly. Casey was always gunning for me. She hated how close Gavin, and I were. She was obsessed with him. She was my number one tormentor, and this is who he shacked up with, had a baby with and finally believed about Chris over me. 

Not bearing to hear anymore I shove the chair back and stand up. 

"I'll look at the notes tomorrow." I mutter walking past her and to the stairs. I take them as quickly as I can manage before collapsing on my bed. I don't even remember shutting my door. 

My mind spinning. I know she meant well but I would have been so much better off not knowing any of that stuff. It doesn't change anything, just drives home how little I meant to him then. 

I feel the tears falling hot and fast. In humiliation and shame. 

I crawled from the depths of hell after what happened to me just to be back in this town, this house. These circumstances. 

It took me a long time to realize I was delusional to think anything would have happened between Gavin and me. It was a trauma bond. That's all that it ever was. 

Sitting up I wipe at my face and grab my own pad and pen. I need to throw myself into my work before this hole of despair swallows me again. 

I work well into the night before exhaustion finally sinks its claws into me. 

 When the sun rises, I take a shower and scrub every inch of my body until I look like a lobster. Something about always feeling dirty. Voices downstairs make me pause. I descend them slowly to see Luke sitting at the table laughing with Syd. 

Her eyes light up when she sees me.

"Hey you." She beams. Luke turns and smiles too. I can't help but smile back.

"Morning." I say grabbing a mug and filling it with coffee. Luke furrows his brow as I drink it black. It took a lot to retrain myself to break any habit that reminded me of the old life I lived. 

"We are going shopping tonight and then to your uncle's bar." Syd states standing up. 

"I am not singing again." I state.

This earns a laugh from both of them.

"It's not open mic tonight, no worries." Luke states. 

"Good." I sigh sitting with them at the table.

I glance at moms closed door. 

"She's looking worse today." Syd says squeezing my hand. Nodding I turn back to the two of them. 

I can't help wondering when this became my life. Maybe it always was inevitable, and I was fooling myself. 

"I can have Cash bring his lazy ass back to deal with everything. It shouldn't be on you.
 Luke states. 

"He won't. Leave him in whatever hole he crawled into." I sigh. 

Nodding Luke drains his coffee and stands. 

"I'll see you both tonight." He winks leaving us alone. 

Standing I head to moms' room and crack the door open. Her breathing is rattlier today. I see blood on the napkin in her hand and sigh. 

"Mom." I murmur taking her other hand. 

"Anna-Leigh. Promise me you won't live in anger anymore." She groans. Each word seeming to cause her more pain than the last. 

"Rest mom." I run my hand over her hair. "It's almost over. Then you can find peace." I bite my lip to stifle the scream building in me. 

"I'm sorry." She murmurs. 

"I know." I sigh. 

I sit beside her until she falls asleep then I get ready for our outing.