Delicate - Mattheo Riddle

love is weird

when the sunrise finally came. I clutched the covers besides me, only to be met with no mattheo.

now only had I realized I had slept with him all night. I peeked up and realized I was alone.

I figured all the guys had gone out since it was as weekend and they didn't want to wake me.

I got up and pulled enzo's hoodie over my head. I realized I was just mattheos boxers but nobody would've seen me walk to the gryffindor dorms.

I strutted out of the slytherin common room and headed for the gryffindor one.

Luckily, only a few students were walking around the halls. and the ones who were there. we're to busy with their hangovers to be concerned with me.

I whispered the password and entered the common room. only to be met with ron, harry and hermione. harry looking extremely guilty.

"why didn't you come home last night Estelle?" Hermione asked. I gulped.

"I was at Enzo's. long story." I tried to walk past her but was met with hermiones face.

"I was worried sick." she said through gritted teeth.

"ok, well i'm fine." She yet again stopped me in my tracks.

"this isn't the first time this has happened! you always say your fine. but you come home hungover, and exhausted. it's like no one else cares about you but me!"

"no hermione, your just the only one who overreacts. i'm fine."

"really? because harry told me you had another panic attack." I looked over at harry who was not looking at me.

"why didn't you come to me." she said with a worried look.

"first of all, I passed out so they took me home. and second, I can handle myself just fine."

"you don't ever have attacks unless something was making you nervous. what was it!" she yelled.

"I don't know! I just- I don't know." I said again.

"those guys, aren't good for you."

"how do you know what's good for me hermione?"

"I just know. that you had much better mental health when you were with Isaac." my heart dropped.

"what the hell do you mean! he was abusive!" Tears started flowing down.

Hermiones mouth flew shut.

"he-" I bit my lip. my lashes met my bottom ones.

this was definitely a sensitive topic. especially after what I went through and what I sacrificed to be with him.

"I'm going up to our room." I shoved her shoulder with mine.

"Elle. wait I'm so-" I walked up the stairs before she could respond.

I got in the shower and stayed in there for what felt like eternity. I let the water run down my neck and chest. the cold water stung my eyes. I shut my eyes and pulled my knees to my chest.

I just wanted to be happy.

Really truly happy.

I was never truly happy with Isaac. I pretended to be. but I never was.

I loved mattheo.

I didn't know why.

I knew he was just using me.

but in some part of my heart I somehow thought. that he cared about me.

maybe I was delusional.

or maybe I was thinking of the times he truly cared for me.

like when he helped me when I threw up at a party.

or when he would just hold me when I cried.

or yesterday when he carried me back to his dorm. and when he let me sleep with him when I was cold.

or maybe I just wasn't used to that. Isaac would've never done those things. he never wanted us to have a very public relationship. which I realize now was not a very good thing.

but mattheo. he wanted everyone to know he was mine. he showed me off to his friends. treated me like a princess.

he's using you

he would buy me flowers 'just because'

he's using you.

and he would always make sure to hold me if I felt unsafe.

HES USING YOU.

I screamed.
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my body sunk down to the floor of the bathroom. I let the water run down my back and tickle my arms.

then I started to cry. I didn't know how long I cried but it was so long hermione started to knock on my door.

"elle?" or no. it was harry. I turned the water off and threw on a robe before he came in. I just then realized that I didn't even take off my clothes to take a shower. I was sitting there with a soaked hoodie and a robe on.

Harry looked at me so purely. he wiped my tear stained cheeks. and pulled me into a hug.

I'm not sure how long it lasted either but. I just cryed in his arms as he rubbed my back.

after an eternity. he pulled back. I looked at his tear stained shoulder which was black from my mascara.

"what's wrong." he said more of a statement than a question.

2 words.

10 letters.

2 syllables

"I don't know what to feel anymore." I mumbled on his shirt.

he didn't say anything. just rubbed my back. his hands.

"mattheo-" I started to say.

"I know." he almost laughed.

"I don't know how to feel about him. part of me thinks he's using me. but..." I closed my mouth.

"he cares about you."

4 words.

15 letters.

5 syllables.

"what?"

"you know it yourself." I bit my lip.

"I'm being dramatic. Why am I crying?"

"love is a weird thing. nobody knows how it works. I mean. magic can't even make someone fall in love."

"but ,I mean amortenia-"

"that causes obsession. not love. it's false advertising." those words made me let out a short laugh.

"you've been through a lot estelle."

"harry. don't say that. you've been through so much more than me."

"it's not a competition. we all have fucked up lives."

I nodded.

"you know how many times I've just wanted to scream. my head off." he said.

I laughed. my eyes met his again. then his mascara smudged shoulder.

"sorry." I softly smiled.

he laughed. "it's ok."

"did you need something." I wiped off the water on my face.

"elle... i found something yesterday and I wanted to ask you about it."

"what is it?"

"do you know your mothers last name?"