Delicate - Mattheo Riddle

silence

I slept with him last night.

again.

and in both ways.

the scent of cigarettes and cologne filled my nostrils. the scent of mattheo. except the weed smell was stronger than usual. I lifted my head from his pillow and rubbed my eyes.

he was sitting by the window, with the sill cracked slightly. his eyes darted across the sky as he smoked.

"really? you have to smoke now?" I scratched my head.

he chuckled. his chest weighing up and down. "you look cute when you wake up gryffindor." he took another drag of his cig.

"thanks i guess." I sat up and stared down at my clothes.

no underwear or shorts, due to him ripping them to fucking shreds last night. but I had on his hoodie. I've worn this one before.

it stilled smelled the same. like him. I figured it would stink, like most guys, but mattheo was odly clean. he showered 3 times a day and brushed his teeth after every meal. it surprised me.

the end of his cig lit up as he took another drag. staring at me. which I oddly didn't find weird.

"what time is it?" I asked groggily.

"8:30."

I peeked over at my phone.

"it's 8:32."

"same thing."

"it's not." i argued

"damn you're annoying."

"you love me." my words came out sooner than I had time to think about them.

"yeah, I do." he answered after a few seconds. my heart fluttered.

"you do." It wasn't a question, more of a clarification.

"yes."

silence poured into the room, like one of those scenes in action movies when the actors get trapped in a room that's slowly filling up with water. except I was afraid that if the silence continued. the world would burst.

"I love you too." I finally answered. he nodded.

"i know." another silence cut through the room.
.
.
.
.
"do you ever wonder what it's like to die?" my words slipped out so suddenly I almost didn't recognize my own voice.

"what?" mattheo looked up.

"death. would it hurt? or would it be so quick that you wouldn't even know what happened?"

"I... I'm not sure." another silence.

I hated it so much.

silence.

silence..

silence...

SILENCE!!!!

I almost screamed.

"elle? you looked like you've seen a ghost." he touched my face.

how did he get over to me so quickly.

"I'm ok." I lied. he could tell. my throat cleared itself.

"sometimes I wonder what goes through your mind." he whispers so silently, I thought he might have been talking to himself.

All I could say was.

you don't want to know.

no. I didn't say it.