I'll Make the Sky Pretty for You. ✦

March 6th, 2023

My fury was all unleashed today. 

I was doing journaling again, and today, I used up two pages in my journal.

It's something my mother got me last year when she found out I tried to kill myself by jumping off of a really high bridge.

Ever since that day, I've been in and out of mental hospitals and the police station.

I don't want to go back.

Besides that, though, what I wrote today:

"Dear diary. I relapsed a bit ago and I've finally been clean for nearly a month. I'm somewhat proud of myself, but my ex called me again and everything is spiralling back. I really need mental help. I need to talk to someone."

That's what I've wrote so far. It's not much, but I'm still writing more.

As well as I'm thinking about what to add to my diary, I'm writing here. 

Hm.

Today was boring. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't bad either. Just another normal day.

It's almost my birthday. April 13th. That's the day I was born.

It was always seen as a really unlucky birthday. It might explain why I don't have many friends, but I don't think that's the reason.

I've always been an outcast. I've never celebrated anything to do with Christmas or my birthday, it's just... been boring.

In elementary school, 5th grade was the worst.

I mean, I hated it. It ruined me.

I felt gutted every day having to go to school, but when the end of the year came and most of my year 6 friends left primary school, I sobbed.

I cried for hours on my pink bedsheet. 

In grade 5, I loved pink. It was my all-time favourite colour.

I also had this super cool collection of figures. I was super into Vocaloid, but occasionally I would listen to something like Deftones or Slipknot. Not too often, though.

Although I got shamed for liking Vocaloid, I also loved Lana del Rey and Girl in Red. They saved me.

Anyways.

This is a lot of writing in one day. It's surely gotten my mind off of things.

"Should"