Alien On This Earth

Gone Days (This is the New Generation)

Han plopped on the couch in the 3Racha + Hyunjin dorm. Chan had gone back to the other dorm with Jeongin. He had wanted to talk to Felix about what really went down at the dietician's, he wanted to ask Minho to keep a close eye on the youngest, but most importantly, he wanted to hold Jeongin in his arms until they forgot about the rest of the world. Han wanted someone to do that for him. He could imagine how nice it would be to just stay in Chan's arms until he fell asleep. He could forget everything else in the world and just feel Chan's love. 

But here he was on the couch alone. 

"You wanna go out for something, Han?" Changbin offered, leaning over the back of the couch. "I don't feel like cooking and Hyunjin passed out in his bed." 

"Oh. Sure." Han shrugged, pulling himself up off the couch. His shoes were still on, so all he had to do was grab his card and his phone - both of which were in his coat pocket. He draped his winter coat over his shoulders and waited for Changbin to write a note to Hyunjin that they were leaving for a bit. 

"Alright." The older rapper nodded as he set the note out on the table. "Let's go." 

They locked the dorm behind them and headed out into the streets. Being December, the sun set pretty early; it was only 5:30 but it looked like it was about midnight. The two boys walked along the Seoul sidewalks. Han kept his hood up to avoid being recognized and Changbin had a cap pulled low to cover his eyes. 

"So, where are we going to eat?" Han asked after they walked a block away from their dorm. 

"Actually, I don't know. I just wanted to talk to you." Changbin shrugged, sticking his hands deep in his black winter coat. 

"Oh? What about?" 

"You seemed pretty shaken up by Jeongin today." Changbin began, glancing sideways across the street at a group of rather loud tourists. "I mean, I understand that it was an alarming thing to find Jeongin like that, but you really looked scared. I don't know, I guess I just wanted to make sure you're doing okay - you know, with your anxiety and stuff... so... are you okay?" 

Han smiled. The awkwardness the elder felt about this topic was tangible, but the sweetness of his efforts anyways was soothing like he imagined earlier Chan's hug would be. "Yeah, I'm okay, hyung. I'd let you know if something came up. In all honesty though, I've been doing really well lately. No breakdowns, no nothing for months. I think I'm good now." 

"I... Yeah, maybe." Changbin kept his eyes on the group of people across the street, seeming to avoid looking at Han altogether. 

It didn't go unnoticed. "What?" He asked quickly. "You don't sound convinced, Binnie hyung." 

"I believe you, Hannie. I believe you're doing really well. I live with you; I've seen it firsthand. I'm just worried that, I don't know - maybe it's something I shouldn't even be worried about - but remember when you were first diagnosed and the doctor said it was something you could be struggling with for years, or you could relapse, or..." 

"Woah, Changbin hyung, hold on there." Han's feet planted firmly in the ground, and he raised his hands to stop the elder. "You think because I got scared that Jeongin was passing out that I'm relapsing?" 

"I don't know. You're not super open about your anxiety. You never talk about it with us." 

"Because I've been fine. Seriously." 

"But Jeongin was fine this week and then it turns out he wasn't." 

Han laughed, patting Changbin's shoulder. "I appreciate the concern, hyung, but seriously, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me. Worry about yourself, maybe you've got something going on in that head of yours with all these thoughts you're spouting out right now."