Alien On This Earth

Deep End Pt. 1 (I Miss the Days We Used to Laugh and Heal)

"That was a great run through, boys." Their dance instructor congratulated them as they all were doubled over panting for breath after an intense run through of Lalala. "Han, that was fabulous! Absolutely amazing!" 

Han forced a smile but internally cringed. It had been a week since he'd gone to therapy with Seoyeon. He kept glancing at the clock today, knowing he'd have to leave at 2:45 to make his appointment. His dance instructor knew. The members all knew. Close - important - staff knew. And this was the treatment he was getting. 

Praise was fine. It was fine when he was blending in with everyone else. But now he was getting praised like some pathetic, broken child. 

Maybe that's what I am, but not everyone in the room needs to know it. 

"Let's run through that again, yeah?" Chan offered, wiping the sweat off his forehead. "That was a good one, but I think during the final chorus we went out of sync." 

"Agreed." Minho nodded firmly, resuming his opening position. 

"Are you alright with running through it again, Han?" The instructor asked, a look of sappy sympathism on his face. Han couldn't hide his cringing this time. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." 

"If you need a break, just say so." 

"Got it." Han went back to his position, staring at the floor. Was he really that weak that an idol company as big and important as JYPE was babying him? Most times idols were forced to hide their issues if they were dealing with anything. But they were openly nurturing him. It made him feel sick. He knew that there was something wrong with him - but he wasn't that broken. 

They ran through the song and finished even better than the previous run through. 

"Good job!" The instructor exclaimed, clapping his hands. Han waited for his own personal praise, steeling himself to not cringe. The instructor opened his mouth to speak but suddenly Chan's watch started beeping. 

"Oh, it's 2:45." He said, tapping the watch to turn it off. 

Han wasn't sure whether he wanted to cringe harder or be jumping around in joy that he'd be rid of their dance instructor. He ran to the corner, grabbed his things and rushed out of the room - Completely ignoring Chan when he asked if he wanted someone to go with him. He was being babied enough; he didn't need to feel any weaker. 

He raced down the hallway, dodging a group of staff gathered around another practice room. It sounded like Twice was rehearsing in there - their music blasting out into the hallway. He hurried past them, pulling his black hoodie up over his head to hide. They didn't need to know where he was going. 

He nodded at the security guard at the front desk and the man shot him a thumbs up. He pushed the door open and stepped out into the biting January air. There were a few cars waiting out front, but Han could easily spot his manager standing beside a designated driver for Stray Kids. 

He sighed, telling himself on repeat that this would make him better - for his members - and he trudged closer to the car. He froze though when he heard his name spoken by his manager. 

"We're considering releasing a statement about Han." The man began, tapping his fingers on the hood of the black SUV. "It's great for publicity and with the changeover of generations from 4th to 5th, we've got to make sure that our artists don't go out of style."

"A mental health crisis would really resonate with the youth." The driver nodded, pulling his lips into a thin line. "And for a company to come out and be so open and accepting of it... that's unique."