Alien On This Earth

Twilight (또다시 밤 - Night Again)

Will this book ever end? I don't know. Maybe it won't. At this point, I have no idea.

The usual warnings still stand for this chapter - you've grown to expect it.

Also, Twilight is my favorite song from their latest album. Which one is your favorite?

Enjoy!

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"You really don't need to go, Hannie. I actually would prefer you stay home with someone." Chan pressed, while filling the members' water bottles the next morning. "You still have a low-grade fever; you don't have the energy to go dance; you should be resting." 

Absolutely not. He wasn't staying back. He wasn't that sick. Besides, he'd drank apple juice for breakfast and kind of wanted to try to go burn off those calories. Even if he couldn't "dance" he could walk up and down the stairs a couple times. That wouldn't hurt. "I'm going, hyung. Please. I need to go." 

Chan sighed, turning off the tap and lowering his head. Han knew he would say no. He'd pull the leader card, he'd put his foot down on this matter. Han would be stuck at home - and even worse, stuck in his head. He couldn't do that. He couldn't sit with his thoughts all day. 

"I'll be with him all day, hyung." Jeongin offered from his seat at the table, finishing his breakfast. "We can hang out and do stuff. It'll be fun! I'll make sure he doesn't get sick." Now it was Han's turn to sigh. If only Jeongin knew the reality of it. Though he didn't want the maknae to know. No one should know. He'd prefer Jeongin was left out of it entirely - he was a safe place right now. But even he was starting to understand. Han hated it. Hated himself. Hated his life. Everything. He hated everything. 

"No dancing. Or working out. You're still sick, Jisung-ah." Chan finalized. But it wasn't a no. Han's shoulders sagged in relief. At least he'd get to act normal. Maybe the company would think he's fine. Maybe everything would be fine. Maybe he could scare away his big black dog. Probably not, but maybe. 

"You sure, Chan hyung?" Changbin asked, raising an eyebrow. "If he's got a fever..." 

"I'm fine!" Han snapped, anger flashing through him at the chance of being shot down again. "I'm fine, hyung. Just let me live my life." 

Changbin bit his lip, eyes focused on Han like he was trying to see through him. 

You're fat. He's looking at you, judging you. He thinks you're a monster. You're sick and twisted. He sees it. He knows it. You can't escape.

"I'm going to, uh, grab my bag." The anger dissolved into a sad sort of slumped posture, and he bowed his head. 

"We leave in five." Chan said, his voice monotone. Maybe he was regretting his decision to let Jisung come. Jisung was. Somewhat. He wasn't sure how he felt. In one sense he wanted to go and try to live and try to move on and forget. And the other part of him wanted to lie in bed until he rotted into the blankets. Until his body was nothing but a skeleton - mirroring what was inside. The discomfort of denying one and accepting the other set a steady wave of nausea in his stomach that he knew wouldn't go away no matter what he did. Leaving or staying. It didn't make a difference anymore, everything made him feel awful. 

The day actually wasn't so bad. Han just sat in Chan's studio and worked on lyrics. He was kind of stumbling through things for a while though, so he ended up just scribbling down thoughts. Three pages full of random lines, phrases, poems, and then suddenly something looked right. 

The faith that was said to last an eternity. The cracks are misaligned, and I have a dangerous feeling that if I touch them, they will break. My tears increased, as my sleep decreased.