A Trans Human's Nonsensical Thoughts

Getting Misgendered

Getting misgendered is something that can be incredibly painful. I once found it incredibly painful, to the point where I'd want to slam myself against the wall (who knew that much anger was in me?) I had to remember something; my identity is not determined by others' perceptions of me, but by my perception of myself. People could call me a girl or refer to me with she/her pronouns all day long, but that doesn't change who I am. It's sad to say, but never will everyone be accepting of those who aren't cisgender.

After I came out to my parents, they continued to misgender me consistently for about a month. When they asked what being nonbinary meant, I decided it was best to dumb it down as much as possible to guarantee their comprehension; "It means I'm not a boy or a girl." I know, it's a ridiculously watered-down definition. But all I needed was for them to understand I am NOT a GIRL. Somehow, that still didn't get the point across. They continued to misgender me for a month. I can't blame them for the she/her pronouns; I never told them I'd like to be referred to with they/them pronouns. Everything else: daughter, lady, girl, that I don't see as my fault.

So, after a month, I saw an opportunity to try to bring this up. It's really stupid but I decided to try and make it work. We had ordered at a restaurant; we have this joke where instead of giving people our actual name we say pizza lady after someone nicknamed me that (it's a long story). I asked my mom if she'd be the "pizza lady" now, and she said no. That spiraled until my dad said "Pizza person?" and I replied "Yeah!" We dropped it for a second until my mom brought it back up and asked about it. Somehow my reminding them that I had in fact already stated that I am not a girl turned into a huge argument, which ended with my mom doing what could be considered victimizing herself and crying, leaving me having to comfort her and say it wasn't their faults for misgendering me so they'd calm down and stop arguing. It was a really rough way to get to this point, but hey, they stopped misgendering me, so who cares?

My friends also misgendered me for a while, although entirely by accident. I had a couple of them over at my house. We had just been sitting there when I said "I think I'm nonbinary." One of them asked my pronouns so I told them my preferred pronouns are they/them. He misgendered me for a bit; I'm nearly certain they forgot about this interaction. My other friend who was there was too absorbed in killing a Minecraft squid or something. Figuring it was by accident, it didn't hurt. I eventually got the opportunity to bring this up again, and my friends refer to me with my pronouns now (except the one that I haven't gotten the chance to tell yet).