Rock My World - DabiHawks

Search and Destroy

A/N: ... yes, I'm alive. sorta.  

So first: this chapter is super short and not all that lore-heavy. I need to get back into the swing of writing stories because I've been writing a lot of poetry and I may or may not have lost my touch. If this is kinda poetic, that's why lol. 

Updates will be slow (not months but not every day) because I'm a mentally ill teenager lol.

Anyway, without further ado... 

POV HAWKS

I sit stiffly in the courtroom, hands clenched in my lap, gaze fixed on the stand where Twice stands between his two shitty lawyers. One of them was provided by the government because everyone has the right to an attorney, and the other is a guy Mr. Compress (LOV's venue owner) knew from college. Still, their goofiness doesn't outshine the weight of recent events that hangs heavy in the air-- mainly Kaina's evil-plan-thing that everyone fell for and no one has completely figured out quite yet. I can pretty much feel the unease radiating from Twice, the uncertainty in his eyes as they dart around the room, searching for something that probably isn't there.

The room buzzes with the shuffling of papers, the occasional cough, and the soft whispers among us spectators. My heart is pounding, and I can't stop my mind from drifting, consumed by the chaotic events that led to this moment—the betrayal, the shattered trust, and the painful truths unraveling one after another.

Touya, stoic but visibly tense, sits a few rows ahead, casting occasional glances toward Twice. I'm trying to stop seeing Touya as the man I once allowed into my life; he's now just another person connected to the whirlwind of misery that hit me like a freight train.

The judge's voice cuts through the room, commanding attention as the trial begins. Witnesses are called, testimonies are given, and details of the arrest are laid bare. My focus remains on Twice: the LOV's drummer and Touya's found family. I wonder what's going on in his mind and what kind of conflicting emotions are swirling within him. 

I'd like to say Twice was once a friend of mine, but it feels wrong, like I don't deserve such a thing. I never saw Twice as anything more than an extent of Dabi, and now they're both symbols of everything wrong, a living reminder of the trust and love shattered in this shitshow.

Maybe I should've gotten to know him better. Twice, too. 

As the prosecution presents its case, I feel more and more suffocated. I'm only here because I know I can't avoid this stuff forever. Even though I went back to work and did my best to fall back into my routine before I met Dabi, I couldn't stop the aching feeling in my chest. I still can't. 

I've been thinking nonstop about Touya-- Are the meetings helping? Is he really getting better? Can I see him yet? Does he hate me? Do I hate him? Should I hate him? -- and that bitch Kaina and my best friend Rumi and Touya's family, both his biological one and his band. Do they hate me? Should I be mad? What should I be feeling? How the fuck am I supposed to navigate this all by myself?

I want Touya back. I want him to cook for me, and kiss my forehead, and play guitar for me, and throw those stupid sarcastic comments at me so I can tease him for being such a dramatic sassy pants. 

Do you love him or are you just filling a void? 

Of course I love him. That's a stupid thing to doubt myself over. Would I be dragging myself through this bullshit if I didn't love him? Honestly, if it were up to me, I'd hate the bastard. But I just... can't. 

He wasn't mine and I wasn't his, not really, but he was so good at making me feel like we belonged to each other. He filled me with a wild desire to know everything about life instead of just memorizing the script. And I'm so stupid for trusting that desire-- for still trusting that desire. Because I still love him. No matter what, I will always love him.    

Even when my mind replays the chain of events, the realization of betrayal, and the loss of faith in someone I thought I knew. Even then, I love him. 

And of course, that makes me the most embarrassingly stupid fuck-nugget in the whole wide world.

I tune back into Twice's lawyers and their arguments, pleading for leniency, highlighting his cooperation with authorities and his contributions to society. He's an unproblematic drummer who lives with his band and hasn't gotten into any legal trouble since he got out of prison years ago. They don't have any evidence that Kaina was the one to provide the drugs-- really, I'm not even sure if it really happened, but I wouldn't put it past her-- so they're just relying on the judge and jury to not be assholes. 

Twice's eyes flicker to meet mine for a fleeting moment—a silent plea, a ghost of remorse. He doesn't need to apologize, let alone to me. But all I can do is offer a small smile and try my best not to shake. Rumi grabs hold of my hand, and I feel a little more sturdy.

As the trial draws to a close, the judge's stern voice resonates through the room, delivering the verdict. I feel bad for not listening closely enough to catch how we made it, but the past couple hours flew by, and before I know it, the sentence echoes like a thunderclap.

"In the case of Bubaigawara versus the prefecture, on the charges of illegal drug sale, how do you find the defendant?" the judge asks the one standing jury member. 

The jury member clears her throat. "We find the defendant not guilty, your honor."

I feel myself physically relax, but I know it's not over yet. The judge nods and keeps talking. "On the charges of reckless endangerment, how do you find the defendant?"

"Not guilty, your honor."

"Hm," the judge grunts. "Well, Mr. Bubaigawara, it looks like you'll be getting off easy this time. I sentence you to a 3-year indeterminate jail term with a conditional release by your correction commissioner. You're dismissed."

Faintly, I hear a young girl-- Himiko-- screaming and crying, cursing the judge for taking Jin away, but I can't make myself look because I know Touya is beside her, trying to get a grip on things, trying to piece his family back together. I want him to be happy and I want to help but I'm so emotionally and mentally spent that all I can do is leave. 

My movements are robotic as I make my way out of the courtroom, a numbness settling over me. The emotions that had swirled within are now a hollow ache, a void too deep to fill. I want to be alone. Or at least being alone would be easier than being here.

I don't know how much longer I can do this. 

A/N: this isn't all that accurate to how trials work in real life, and definitely not how they work in Japan (I wouldn't know actually), but whatever-- this is the land of fanfiction where personalities are inconsistent, rainwater can be used as lube, and AMAB boys can get pregnant👍🏽