Caught Up In Your Darkness

CHAPTER 5 - ALBERTO

Being a father is a tough job. It gets even more tough when you have a daughter like mine.

She's an amazing kid, always has been. But amazing kids also come with their own set of problems. 

Oftentimes those problems are way more complex and you can't just handle it with buying a fancy purse or a car. Sometimes you have to put real effort into parenting. And that was the one thing I was not meant for. 

I have struggled a lot with showing love and kindness to her. It's not that I don't love her, I do. But when you grow up like me, having to flee your home and move to the big country of dreams and be treated like shit, getting called every slur under the sun, it toughens you up. And that makes you immune to feelings and normal emotions. 

There have been days when I've wanted to cut off everything and move away to a remote island, let her do whatever the fuck she wants to, and just live my life in peace.

But sadly for me, the life I have chosen for myself isn't so simple, and I would never wish for her to take over my business or ever have to see this side of the world. 

It gets difficult though, when your children don't see all that you've done for them and don't value your sacrifices, when even after all you do, you always fall short. I try my best with her, I always have, I've done everything from spoiling her to being very strict to not even bothering, everything I could but nothing seemed to be good enough. 

Of course every parent falls short in some aspect or the other, but I couldn't be like that. After all, my little girl deserved the best. I really tried though. 

But sometimes as a parent there are moments when you have to let your child go. Sometimes they just have to fuck up and find out. 

Well, I hoped she'd only fuck up ad not find out. And if she did .. well that's a problem I was willing to put off for now, right now what mattered to me was that she got her head in the right place. And that would take a lot of time.

I've always thought of having a boy. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter to death. But she reminds me too much of her mother. 

I had hoped to have a little boy, one who could take over my place  and hopefully do better than me. A boy that  would get his hands diary just like I did and take the world by storm, in all different aspects

Sofia is not meant to do all this. She's my little princess who should never have to work a day in her life, she has always been my special girl and I have always wanted her to be a princess. I was happy to run around her in circles, doing everything to please her. But the problem was exactly that - she didn't want to be treated like a princess.

She wanted to go around and get her hands dirty.

Again, I have no problem with women running their own lives and making their own money, it is just that as a father you want to provide for your girls and make sure she has everything she could ever want. I never want her to see the real world and experience just how dark and dangerous it can be.

The problem was that the way she wanted to get hands dirty was by getting into my business. 

Now, that was something I just couldn't allow. 

A rule in the house that I always stayed transparent of - my business was mine. If you want to own your business I will happily give you whatever you need. Heck, you don't even need to pay me back for it. But the business I run, it's not a family heirloom, it will not be passed down. 

You can go ahead and judge me but the fact remains that this business that I had sacrificed so much for, that is the product of my hard work for years, it is my brainchild and the only thing that matters more to me than family.