always, i'll care

chapter seven

Love...

What was it supposed to mean?

Growing up, Doyoung was surrounded by people who loved and treasured him. His parents provided support and comfort -even now, a decade after his parents passed away, he can still feel the warmth of their love enveloping him, shielding him from loneliness.

Loneliness? That was never a part of Doyoung's life.

Whenever Doyoung thinks of his parents, it feels -familiar, easy, constant, simple and close to him. He just needs to close his eyes and it's like pulling a warm blanket around him, protecting him from the cold. It's the feeling of knowing that -by the end of the day he can just walk to and ask for the warmth. His parents will always be there and will always accept him for who he is.

Its love. Right?

Taeil comes to Doyoung's mind. He couldn't imagine the future without Taeil. The man who took care of him when no one else did, the man who stayed by his side at his worst. The man who loves him for who he is. The man he thinks of as his friend, his brother, his family -Taeil, a constant presence in Doyoung's life, a pillar of support.

Doyoung couldn't find a single word to explain how thankful he was to Taeil. Because the words don't exist. Even in his whole lifetime, he wouldn't be able to convey the depth of his gratitude to Taeil.

Taeil gave him a new life, a new purpose, and a new family.

Love as a form of thankfulness?

In truth, Doyoung always harbours the fear of losing Taeil. Even the thoughts of it -pain was similar to when he lost his parents. Doyoung might seem complicated at times, but it's a way of keeping Taeil close to him. A way of safeguarding the relationship that means the world to him.

He remains lawfully engaged with Taeil, even though he was against the engagement in the first place because he wanted to be tied to Taeil. Wanting a connection with Taeil because he knows without the engagement tying them -they are a stranger.

Doyoung fears, that if he lets go of Taeil -the alpha will leave him because Doyoung is basically an adult now and the truth is.. Taeil is not responsible for Doyoung at all. None of this was Taeil's fault. Doyoung saw how Taeil was still living in guilt, it's not the fact that Doyoung liked seeing the guilty stare from Taeil but how else can he keep Taeil by his side?

There was a time when Taeil constantly tried to revive Doyoung's relationship with his other family members. The attempt was met with a grimace and disgusted face every single time. The mere mention of Doyoung's name stirred anger in them, creating a strained atmosphere that Taeil struggled to mend.

In Doyoung's memories, he was never close to any family members besides his parents. Despite facing humiliation every time, Taeil continued to visit them in the name of Doyoung. Trying to bridge the gap in an effort to mend the relationship.

Was Taeil trying to send him away? No. Taeil made sure to tell Doyoung that he just wanted Doyoung to have a normal life -like any other person. He wanted Doyoung to not have even the smallest puddle in his life.

This was one of thousands of reasons why Doyoung loves Taeil so much. Taeil was trying to build a family for him without realizing that he was the only family that Doyoung ever wanted.

So, love as a form of fear? Does that make sense?

There was also a time, when Doyoung's thoughts flew to the idea of being lawfully married to Taeil. But -Doyoung couldn't see Taeil as anything more than family. He wants Taeil to be part of his life forever, staying close and always being there for him like any other family -his brother, Taeil.