Love or Lust?

I'm Just A Girl

Awakened by my phone ringing I quickly jump out of my sleep looking around the room confused. Who could possibly be calling me this early? I sit up in my bed as I pick my phone up and stare at the screen puzzled by the unrecognizable number. "Hello? Who am I speaking with?" I say as I try to recognize the voice on the other side of the phone. "Good morning Savanna. Meet me downstairs in 10." the voice says as they abruptly hang up the phone. That sounded like Gabriela but I couldn't quite pick up the voice considering it is pretty early in the morning. How did she even get my number? Maybe I had too much to drink because suddenly everything became a blur. Nervously I jump up out of bed and quickly head to the shower. After I freshen up I throw on my robe and slippers as I hum to myself in the mirror as I moisturize my face and head to my room. "What look should I go for on this beautiful morning?" I say as I skim through my clothes coming upon this blue strapless dress. Excitedly I grab the dress and throw it on. It flows down to my ankles with a slit that comes up the side of it. I pair it with my silver heels and silver dangling earrings. Looking at myself in the mirror I smile as I run my fingers through my curls. Before heading out I grab my jewelry as I put my necklace around my neck as I walk out the door. Making my way down the elevator to the first floor I quickly pull myself together as I try to catch my breath nervously fixing my hair hoping that I look presentable. Once I walk out of the elevator I see Gabriela standing on the side of the elevator door. "Good morning Savanna. I hope you slept well." she says nicely as she wraps her hand around my waist. Speechlessly I look at her and smile. What a weird coincidence we're both wearing blue and silver. "I feel so silly right now. No way we're unexpectedly matching. But quick question, how did you get my number by chance?" As she holds me as we walk over to the table she has picked out for us in the lobby she pulls out my seat and waits for me to be seated before taking a seat in front of me. "I figured you were going to ask about that. We both had a little too much to drink and I asked you for it. Before you get all scared and nervous on me nothing happened. We chatted for a while and then we kissed but then the energy in the atmosphere kinda changed after that so I headed out and let you rest." I sigh deeply as I feel myself relieved that nothing went further than kissing because I wouldn't even be able to look at myself the same way after that moment. "Well I just wanted to thank you for listening to me vent and being there for me. Im sorry if I said anything wild. I really didn't know that I was drinking that much." She looked at me with a smile as she takes a sip of her coffee. For some odd reason I get this wave of anxiety. I quickly take a sip of water while looking down. Gabriela places her cup down as she reaches her hand out as she waits for me to hold it. "You are a charmer Gabriela. Has anyone ever told you that before?" I say jokingly as I grab her hand. She looks at me with a big grin as she shakes her head. "Actually no nobody has ever told me that before. To be completely honest with you I have no idea what Im doing but I know that I want you to feel special and appreciated. Why did you call me a charmer though?" she says flattered by my response. I look at her and look around. As I position comfortably I feel that wave of anxiety go away. Everything feels so easygoing and I don't really know how to adjust to it but I know that I want to try. "You just seem like you know how to make a woman happy without even really doing much. It wasn't a bad compliment or anything." I say nervously as I see her smile softly fade away. She massages my hand as she looks down at her watch. "Sadly I have to get going soon so I won't be late for my meeting but I just wanted to let you know that you look breathtaking this morning. I shouldn't be too long though so how about I meet you back at your suite afterwards and we can finish up, sound good?" I nod as I watch her stand up and grab her briefcase. She walks over to me and kisses my forehead as she waits until I make my way to the elevator safely. "I'll see you soon Gabriela." I say as I watch her standing there for a moment. She quickly runs over to me and gets in the elevator with me. Confused I look at her as the doors close in front of us. "You know what? I think they can manage without me for the day. I don't want to leave you again. I would've stayed and slept on the sofa last night just to keep you company but you seemed distracted." I smile as I feel my heart skip a few beats. She really is a charmer. The elevator doors open as we arrive on the 5th floor. We walk side by side and hand in hand as we come upon my room. I open the door as we make our way inside as she closes the door behind us. "So what do you wanna do since you backed out of your meeting for me? You didn't have to do that you know? I would've been okay until you were done." She looks at me as she slowly walks towards me. As I look up in her eyes I feel everything around us disappear. "I backed out of the meeting because we didn't pick up where we left off. I actually wanna get to know who Savanna really is. Is that a crime?" She casually places her hand on my cheek as she waits for me to say something. Nervously I catch my breath before I catch myself leaning in to kiss her but then I pause and take a step back. "No it's not a crime that you want to get to know who Savanna is. I want to get to know who Gabriela is." I look down as I bite my lip and place my hands on my stomach. She tilts my head up and looks at me. "Kiss me." she says softly. Anxiously I struggle to speak. I look at her confused as I shake my head. "What do you mean kiss you?" She caresses my cheek as she kisses me before pulling away ending with a lip bite. Frozen I close my eyes as I ask myself what just happened? We pause for a moment as we look at each other but neither of us say a word. "You still want me to go to the meeting?" Gabriela says calmly as she holds me. I shake my head no slowly as I hold her hand while it's on my cheek. After being stuck in the same spot for a while we head over to the sofa and sit down. She places my head on her shoulder as I feel myself becoming relaxed. Why do I suddenly feel like this is where I belong? "So Savanna why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself. What brings you back to New York City?" Trying to find the right words I lean up and look at her puzzled. What made her ask me that? I thought I told her why I was here on the plane. Did she not believe me? Did I not give her a good enough answer? "Truthfully I don't exactly know why I came back. San Diego wasn't treating me too well. I mean I tried to fit in and be just like everyone else but I don't think that's where I truly belong. Being back home I feel a little bit more comfortable and welcomed. I met some decent people there though but none of them are like the people that I call my friends and family at home. Although there were some times that I loved it there but do I let the good outweigh the bad or do I let the bad outweigh the good?" I look at her as she has all of her focus on me. She places her hand on my thigh as she sighs and smiles. "You should follow your heart. Where does your heart tell you that you belong? You shouldn't want to be like anyone else to fit in. We're not made to fit in. Standing out isn't a bad thing at all. Look at you. You're beautiful. Im pretty sure you're smart and talented. You carry yourself well. I'm not an expert or anything but I honestly don't see how you could possibly blame yourself for not being accepted by those people. San Diego is full of rich and moody assholes if you ask me." She definitely has that part right for sure. Rich and moody assholes. I sit up on the sofa as I kick my heels off my feet and take my earrings out of my ears and place them on the coffee table in front of us. As Gabriela looks at me she runs her fingers through my hair. "You really are a beautiful woman. Don't ever forget that." Flattered by her words I smile and blush as I nod my head. "Thank you for the kind words and advice. I wont ever forget anything you said. Enough about me though. Who is Gabriela?" I say as I turn my body towards her while placing my hand on hers. She smiles as she looks down at my hand. "Me? I'm just a divorced woman with a 2 year old daughter as you already know. I love to travel more than anything which is why I chose the career path I did. I come from a family of four but I just so happen to be the youngest. All of my siblings are in their 30s and older happily married with children then there's me the 20 something year old who can't even figure her life out. When I met my ex wife I had just turned 23 but she was a little older than me and she had already had Ava. Of course logically me being with her mother I decided to step up and play that I guess you can say step parent role. Our relationship quickly became more and more serious over a period of time and she was actually the one who proposed to me. Can you believe that? I didn't really know what to say because we had only been dating for a year and a half but I guess it made sense to marry her due to Ava. I love that little girl as if she's my own but I never legally gained custody or anything because issues started to arise between me and her mom. Her name is Miranda by the way. So yeah here I am now 25 going on 26 divorced and trying to figure out what to do with my life next." All I can do is look at her with sympathy because who would've thought that a woman like her would've went through all of that? "Im sorry you had to deal with all of the heartache and pain. I admire you for stepping up though and playing that role for Ava because it honestly takes guts to do something like that especially at such a young age. Me on the other hand I just recently turned 24 but I had to grow up really at the age of 17 because my mom decided that she wanted to abandon me and my dad and leave us behind here in New York. She never explained why she was leaving she just randomly up and moved away. I haven't heard from her in a good 10 maybe 11 months. She always told me that she never really wanted a child anyways though. My dad wasn't much help. Sure physically he's there but mentally and emotionally he's in his own world. I decided that I wanted to take over my own life which is why I moved to San Diego to begin with. I am a freshman in college and I major in psychology because I want to be that voice that people my age don't have you know? I want to be able to help others who are just like me. I never really gave the whole love thing a fair shake because seeing everything my parents went through I became a bit traumatized honestly and I had this mindset that everyone was just like them. A little older and a little experienced now my mindset has changed a bit I will say that. I met someone on campus, we hit it off quickly or at least I thought we did. However that didn't turn out too well because well she doesn't really want me if you ask me. She just wanted what she could get from me." As I feel tears streaming down my face Gabriela quickly grabs me and pulls me close to her as I cry. "Savanna you're okay. Im right here. I couldn't imagine what you're going through right now but just know that you don't have to go through this alone. Whoever hurt you will get their own punishment soon. Focus on yourself and do what makes you happy." she says reassuringly as she wipes my tears and kisses my forehead. Maybe moving on wouldn't be so bad. Maybe this is all apart of life. I may not have it all figured out yet but I'm just a girl.