Tiptoeing towards love

40

Parthiban

The doctor had told me to take good care of her and I did the best I could, but her labor pain arrived a bit earlier than the estimated date.

I'm terrified of my Mozhi and our baby's health as I sit outside the operation theatre, alone, with negative thoughts dominating my brain.

I never felt this frightened in my life. My palms were sweating and I was beyond tense. I hurriedly called my parents and informed them. Though I am not very fond of them, I need them in such situations.

They appeared within a few minutes and I don't know why, but seeing them gave me a little mental strength.

Just having them sit beside me comforted me but I couldn't control those overwhelming feelings arising inside my chest. I could still heed her painful cries in my head.

"She will be okay, right?" I turn to my mother whose face becomes softened at my words. "Of course," she rubs my back and I saw the motherly love in her eyes that I had missed for years...

Moments passed by and I was turning insane without knowing my Mozhi's condition. She has to be alright! My babies should see this world, safe and healthy.

Instinctively, I began to pray within my heart. I was not a very religious person before my Mozhi's pregnancy but after she started carrying our babies, I began worshipping gods genuinely and I always pray to keep my family protected.

Impatient, I paced in the corridor and suddenly heard the 'Kandha sashti kavasam' being played on someone's phone. It wasn't loud but I could heed it.

(Kanda Shasti Kavasam or Skanda Sashti Kavasam is a devotional song on Lord Muruga that was composed by Devaraya Swamigal. The song is in the form of a plea to Lord Muruga to bestow his grace. Muruga is also known as Skanda or Kanda. It sings praises of the deity, describes his glory, and asks for his blessings)

Listening to such a song in this critical circumstance boosted me. It was as If the Lord itself was urging me to calm down and I vowed to visit the Palani temple of Lord Muruga and climb the stairs (It has around 700 steps) with my knees If my Mozhi and babies would come into this world without any danger and live their rest of the life safely and happily even when I leave this world behind...

Sighing, I stand there, leaning against the railing and listening to the devotional song.

After a prolonged time, two nurses carried my babies out. It was a girl and a boy!! I held my son while my mother took my daughter in her hands.

God, I could break down into tears any second now. They both were so small and adorable.

"How is she?" I ask the nurse, wanting to see my Mozhi. "She is fine, she will be transferred to the normal ward in a few minutes," she says and I nod, my heart relaxing upon knowing my Mozhi's state.

I look down at my son and daughter and I have no idea how to explain the emotions I was experiencing.

Is this how being a father feels? The impulse to safeguard them and love them is immense.

A few hours later, Mozhi was shifted to a normal ward, and our babies were laid in two cradles.

My father insisted on purchasing the medicines while my mother went home to bring home-cooked food.

On the other hand, I sit on the edge of the bed, watching my kids and waiting for my Mozhi to open her eyes.

My son was sleeping but my daughter stayed wide awake, staring at me unblinkingly. I smile at her, one that rises from the bottom of my heart. Her lips tug in a smile and my eyes go round in shock. What the hell? Can babies smile as soon as they are born?