older || hyunchan ||

XIV

bangchan (1st person)-

3 years earlier

"Hey, youre Chris right?" This girl walked up to me, she was stunning. Long black hair with the prettiest blue eyes ever. She had makeup on but it wasnt caked on like other people had.

"Yea.. Who are you?" I didnt know her but I feel like she had been mentioned at a party before.

"Im Jennie Kim. Youre like super hot." She smiled at me, it caught me offguard nonetheless. I didnt know what to do. She has to be lying because Im not that good looking.

"Thank you!" I made sure to be respectful, she was nice and I didnt want to be mean. She grabbed my hands out of nowhere, like she was my girlfriend trying to convince me to do something.

"Be my plus one to Jackson Wangs party! Please!" She was asking me to be her plus one. I agreed because I had never been invited to a party, not to mention with a really hot girl.

This could even help me define whether im straight or not. I made didnt think she was being serious but by the look in her eyes she was.

"When is it?"

"Friday at 8! See you there!" She ran off to her friends who had watched everything between us. They all giggled and smiled like they had dared her to. Turns out she wasnt dared. She genuinely wanted to go out with me. Not like it really mattered to me. She would most likely leave me alone at the party for other hotter dudes.

Boy was I wrong. Later that night she needed somewhere to crash because she was too drunk to driver herself home so she stayed at my place.

Boy was I wrong. Later that night she needed somewhere to crash because she was too drunk to driver herself home so she stayed at my place. It was like that everytime she took me to a party.

After some time I caught feelings. Took about a week for me to grow the balls and ask her to be my girlfriend.

"Hey Jennie, can we talk?" I managed to say past the lump in my throat. She was with her friends at the time but she stopped talking with them. That boosted my confidence a little bit.

"What did you want to talk about Chris?" She led me a little ways away from her friends so just the two of us could talk. I stayed silent for what felt like 10 years before I was completely ready to commit.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" I was super nervous and ready for her to say no and friendzone me. She didnt though.

She had a huge smile on her face as she grabbed my hand and led me back to her friends.

"Guys! Say hi to my boyfriend!" She seemed so happy, I would have never guessed all of this acting and pretending she was doing was so she could get in my pants. Didnt take long for her to show her true colors though.

We were at another party and I finally let myself drink. She said she would stay sober to drive us home. She didnt lie, she took me to her house and I was too drunk to even realize.

She waited until I was half asleep. Thats when she undressed me. She ignored my slurred protesting, she had removed my pants by the time I managed to fully grasp whats going on. Well as much as my drunk mind would let me. All I remember was her hitting me hard, like full on slap across the face.

By the time she finished I was balling my eyes out begging her to stop. She told me I was too sensitive, told me she was the only one who could ride me like that. I flipped the next morning but she begged me to stay. She told me she was about to start her period, and since I have Hannah I knew it sometimes made your libido or whatever go wild.

I feel so dumb for staying but I did. She raped me way more after that. Always blaming it on the alcohol.

She would say horrible things to me like how I was never enough and I couldnt satisfy her needs well enough.

Thats when,

(End of 1st person pov)

"Bangchan! Dont leave me! Youre my reason for living! Please dont go!" He felt himself getting pulled back, he looked at the woman behind him.

"Is that what you told the other guy too? I saw you cheating!" Bangchan was crying, tears poured and he couldnt stop them. He felt horrible for wanting to leave his girlfriend, but he was being cheated on.

"Look! I did this because I thought you would leave! You know I would never leave you!" The lady showed her wrist which were sliced up and bandaged. Bangchan didnt know what to do so he stood there dumbfounded before shaking his head.

"Im leaving! You cheated! You brought this on yourself. Im sorry you did that because of me but I cant control your actions!" Bangchan fought the urge to go hug his girlfriend. He wanted to stay but he needed to leave.

"I- If you go, I will kill myself. Youre my only reason to live Christopher. Please dont go." She looked at Bangchan with sad eyes and held out her arms. "Come back Chris, I wont do it again."

Bangchan ran to her the second she said that. He ran and let his girlfriend hug him. He never wanted anybody to kill themselves. So he stayed.

4 months later

"No! You told me you would never leave! I let you cheat on me! I let you do so much so you wouldnt leave!" Bangchan grabbed his now exes arm. He didnt want her to leave at all. He needed her, or its what his heart felt.

"Let go Chris! You werent enough!" The woman looked at Bangchan annoyed, she didnt even care know Bangchans korean name.

"I wasnt enough!? You cheated because I wasnt ready to have sex! Im a fucking teenager! You only helped when you wanted to fuck me! You took my virginity while I was drunk! And im not enough? We only ever fucked when you werent over there screwing other people! And I fucking stayed! I stayed for you because I thought you would get better! You promised me you would fucking change. Not to mention you guilt me in to staying with you and when I did try to leave you cut yourself. I loved you. I trusted you and this is what you do." Bangchan had let his ex go. He was pissed and sad at the same time.

"I hope you die Chris. You better be packed up by the time I get back. And dont be victimizing yourself because youre too much a pussy to just shove it in. All I asked was for you to shove it in! You couldnt even do that. You know how fucking worthless you are? Youre unimportant. Nobody will love you like I did and you fucking know that. Dont let me see you when I get back. Im going to get with a man who can actually fuck me right." His ex slammed the door in Bangchans face. Chan heard the car start and drive off, he sunk down on the floor in front of the door. Tears streamed down his face. He scratched at his thighs feeling the urge to cut himself again.

He ran up the stairs, he sprinted into the bathroom slamming it shut. The blade he cherished sat where he always left it.

He sliced his wrist quickly letting the blade rip his skin open. He felt the burn from the blade but kept going. He couldnt stop, he deserved it. Jennie hadnt been able to love him so nobody else could. He couldnt even keep her with him.

She cheated but in the end he wasnt able to satisfy her unless he was drunk. It was his fault.

He would never fall in love again.

a/n: shit got angsty... yes i copy and pasted part of it but i wrote quite a bit and added more. also this is pretty much him telling hyunjin all these things :)

hope you enjoyed

word count: 1402 words