Odds + Ends (random book)

2023 Year In Review

"I've spent longer periods of time doing nothing creative. It drives me insane."

Now I'm probably about to have the opposite problem. Surprise, not much happened for me this year, either. I still didn't finish that Warriors fanfic (but I'm close and trying a more professional editing pipeline for hopefully a more consistent end result) and I even had a few weeks without a computer, but things were steady for the most part. I did, in fact, get enough time to unwind on this account and its projects most of this year. But a new work schedule could jeopardize that.

Like I said last year, I don't like telling people what I'm doing creatively anymore. It always leads to expectations and anticipation, even if those you know have no interest in the end result. It's like telling people you're writing a book for a new years resolution and, in telling them, setting that expectation for yourself. Every time someone happens to remember you said that, they'll ask. If you've dropped it, you'll feel bad that you have to either lie or tell them it isn't happening. If you're so delayed you feel like you'll never finish, you'll do the same thing but feel even worse about it. I've never told anyone I write aside from short stories and essays here and there. But I feel like the expectation of becoming a professional gives kind of the same vibe. I don't even tell people I started drawing for fun and started reading again because people would ask what I was reading and want to see the drawings, which (to me, at least) makes me more watchful of what I read and what I draw and what to think about when I don't want others to know. Best to keep it to myself.

I learned this year I'm not very protective of my own work, but my identity attached to it. It's one thing when it's a job, but it's another when it's all coming from me. It feels odd when others so blatantly know what I do and I'm glad I've kept my creative hobbies to myself. I'm also glad I don't have to explain myself for anything I do. Can't say the same will happen next year. Professional work just seems to be in constant danger this year and what I do is entirely based on the opinions of other people and could easily be replaced by AI should a boss or client be happy with its results. It already has happened in a few ways, but not in a "I need to build a completely different skill set" kind of way. I believe it's only going to get more insane next year, though, so I'd better keep ahead of the curve. I'm a little behind it right now.