Odds And Ends (random book)

2022 Year In Review

"...for being able to practice executing skills I want to carry over to my own paid work."

Last year, I said I was going to finish my Warriors fanfic. That didn't happen. And that's about the most eventful thing in my life last year. I did a lot of thinking about art, though. And, while I don't consider myself an artist, I have done paid creative work. It made me think about my days in college wondering what would happen if I ever took it on as a career. Writing, development, animation, whatever. There was always a looming dread that if I did this stuff for a living, it would kill my passion for it as a hobby.

I've spent longer periods of time doing nothing creative. It drives me insane. This account only exists because I want to do this stuff (mostly writing) without having to worry about the end result or anyone I know judging it. Not because I'm afraid of their judgment, but because I know I could do it better, more professionally, with newer techniques, more traditional techniques, if I had people in my life knowing I was constantly doing this stuff. There would be endless requests, people showing it off to others, waiting to see if I'd get better. There's an emphasis on improving, learning, being a better teacher, stealing better. Going pro is an expectation in all creative communities now. Especially writing. And I understand where it comes from. Writing and having some semblance of visual taste is part of my everyday job. If I never got better at it, I'd stagnate in a very bad way. But what about writing for fun? My drive comes from a genuine desire to write more complex ideas rather than being a best-selling author. But I still want to show it off. And there's nothing wrong with writing to gain recognition for your contribution to the medium or to become a master of sorts. But I wonder why I've never let improvement interfere with how I learn to write creatively. I don't read as much as I should if I want to get better. I don't pick apart fiction like I used to in high school. And I do want to write and sell fiction at some point. My mood might change if I ever had to write fiction for a living. But, hopefully, this mindset never changes.

I don't think there's ever been a time in my life where I thought I wasn't going to work in the entertainment industry. Right now, I don't know if I'd ever want to do it professionally. Graphic design and commercials are, I think, as far as I'd ever want to go if given the opportunity. But I won't lie to myself; If I was told I had to make a movie or write a book that'd have my name on it, my real name, I wouldn't even think of turning it down. Anyway, no words of wisdom or self-improvement or whatever. Just musings. That's how the whole year has felt, honestly. Better than the last, at least.