Love me. Choose me.

{13} Love me

I sat on the lawn with my face fixed on my math textbook like my life depended on it, I clenched my pen with great fury. If it was a living thing, I'm sure it would've been begging me for mercy.

The fact that I was trying to get everything back up was quite strenuous, it was almost like I was forcing my way through a tiny tunnel. My body straining to contend with my inner spirit, while my mind was whirling in a pool of tears.

The inner voice crying and begging to castigate me much more–it wasn't a happy reading.

"Here you are," Shane called out, his voice clear and loud. I heard an undertone of "I told you so," or maybe that was just my interpretation of everything at that moment.

He plopped down beside me, dropping his bag next to mine. I didn't budge, unwilling to leave the position I'd been in for a while. I felt like it was the most comfortable place I could be.

To anyone passing by, it might seem like I was engrossed in math and taking my first year seriously, but I wasn't. To prevent too many questions and sympathy, I had to feign everything.

"I saw your text, that's awful," Shane said, leaning closer to look at my face. "Are you okay?"

I finally looked up. "Yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled.

"I don't want to interfere, but I feel like Trent needs a punch in the mouth." Shane sighed and reached out to grab the book lying limply in my hand. "I think you should leave this for now."

I forced a thin-lipped smile as he pulled the book from my hand and tossed it beside our bags.

"To cheer you up, I brought these." Shane grabbed his bag and pulled out two cups of ice cream. "This is vanilla flavor, and this one is both strawberry and vanilla, your favorite."

I tried to smile, but it seemed impossible. It was obvious I was faking it. All I wanted at that moment was isolation, a total solo moment.

He stretched the ice cream toward me, but I just stared at it. My hand felt heavy, and my eyes burned from how much I'd cried. Anyone might say I was taking things too far, but I'm a softhearted person. I didn't ask for it. Things get to my heart quickly no matter how much I try to avert them—it just happens.

"Come on, girl. You need to snap out of this," Shane said, his words filled with sympathy and a hint of disgust. "That guy doesn't deserve you. I told you several times, but you didn't listen. He's a jerk, like those zombies in the TV series we used to hide and watch on movie night at Jackson's place."

He sighed. "Remember how you’d always want a cup of ice cream and give a hearty cry whenever your favorite character got infected?"

As I watched Shane speak, I found myself genuinely listening to him rather than worrying. Before I knew it, I had accepted the cup of ice cream and started digging in, filling my mouth with the creamy content while attentively listening to Shane.

It was one of those memories I knew I’d cherish forever.

Shane paused and gave me a relieved, comforting look. "I'm happy you're finally smiling for real this time."

I shrugged and rolled my eyes without saying a word. "Thanks for this." I lifted the cup. "I just don’t want to worry anymore. I just don’t want to love again." Tears started to gather in my eyes. I couldn’t hold them back—instead, I let them roll down my cheeks.

"You don’t have to," Shane said, moving closer. My head dropped onto his shoulder. "You'll be fine, just stop crying."

By the time I made my way back to my dorm, I felt relieved. I didn’t want to think about anything that would remind me of Trent, and I hoped I’d never come across him again.

The rest of the week went by, and I found myself paying more attention in classes and tutorials. I dedicated my time to doing the things I loved. I started attending night classes and taking extra lectures, focusing on my priorities.

Everything was going well, and in time, the memory of Trent began to fade. The anger and regret all felt like they had never existed.

After school, I sat on the bleachers with Maureen, as we had decided to do our assignment together. Maureen suggested we do a quick run-through before the actual work. "Technically, the answer," she beamed at me as she twirled the pen in her hand. "Professor Rogers was right, electrical conduit and this textbook explain it all."

"Yes," I cooed. "I'm getting the hang of it."

Maureen laughed and closed the textbook. "So what are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing, just going to listen to some new songs," I replied as we stood up.

"Okay." She grabbed her bag from the floor and slung it over her shoulder. "Since the semester exam is approaching fast, I was thinking we should do the assignment together tonight."

"That's a great idea," I said. "But I promised a friend I was going to help with some stuff."

Maureen was silent for a moment before she spoke. "I understand. How about tomorrow?"

The truth was this: ever since I started moving on from what happened with Trent, I’ve been trying to avoid friends and merely paying attention to people around me.

Maureen, however, didn’t get the memo. She was trying hard to lure me into her friendship zone with her perpetual suggestions, but it wasn’t working.

"Um, great," I sighed. "Tomorrow at the library, we'll do some revision before we head home."

She nodded and gave me a brief smile before walking away.

This chapter is kinda flat, due to me being away from this book for a while. I started to lose light of it, but I'm glad it came out perfectly fine.

Well, it's time to see what happens next.

For now. Please vote, comment, and share.

With love
Clara Joel