Her
My eyes are on maams and only on maams throughout the pooja. He stood there, looking at his appa's photo, as broken as ever. He has such crazy love on his father. The only tattoo he has on his body is his father's name. The only person who he fears is his father. His sole idol and angel is his father.
If only his father would have been alive, maama would be a completely different person. He would have not quit the film industry and would have become one of the leading stars in Tamil cinema industry. But his sudden demise completely overturned his life and bought him to this village and even made him marry me.
He is a handsome man and there is no doubt that I wouldn't even imagine marrying him if he continued his career in acting, he would have been unreachable.
"Mayil" atha calls me softly making me shake myself from the thoughts as I take the holy ash from the plate she is having in front of me and apply it on my forehead, my eyes finding their way back to maams as he is now looking at me with the same sad look. I try to imagine what he would be thinking or if he is just blankly staring at me but I am not able to find out.
After the pooja all of us start serving the people of the village food that we always serve during his birthdays and funeral. Maams takes the lead as always and serve everyone from the big vessel all by himself. His height and body are a plus point for him, he always manages to do all possible physical labour by himself and this is exactly what makes him more attractive.
Another thing that is a best example for his strong liking towards his father is that he hasn't cut his hair even once ever since his death. Nobody knows the reason. Despite asking a lot of time he refused to tell that to anyone, even to atha, saying that it is one thing that he wants to keep between him and his father.
After every last one of them eats and exits all of us sit down together in the dinning room and eat as a whole family in silence. I notice how maama just simply plays with the food on his plate instead of eating, looking deep in thought.
I have seen him sad but never this lost in thought.
"Maams, eat" i say in a whisper making him look at me with the same sad look.
"Eat" i say making him nod before he eats a morsel of rice.
Since he is sitting right opposite to me and not near me, a few of the family members who are sitting nearby notices and exchange looks of sadness with each other.
It is late afternoon when i catch maama sitting alone in his room as the cousins are playing cricket outside.
"Maams" i say softly as i sit right beside him, placing my hand on his shoulder , hoping to comfort him.
"Hmm ?" he responds, staring blankly at the wall.
"What are you thinking this deeply from the morning ?" i ask as i loop my hand around his left arm.
"Adhu onnu illa (Nothing)" he says making me click my tongue.
"Just say maams. Sometimes it is best to share your thoughts to someone. That way at least you can find an outlet" i say making him heave a big sigh.
"This is his second death anniversary after our marriage. It didn't strike me last year but now it does. Would he have seen all this ? What would he be thinking ? What would he have done if he were here ? For sure he would have believed me 100%. That is the way he has raised me. Though you are doing your college now, i still can't completely figure out if i did the right thing. Would he have given a better solution to the problem if he were here ? Just so we could have dodged this whole marriage confusion ? So many thoughts Mayil. Most of them being 'what ifs' without a clear answer. Im just......Just utterly overwhelmed today" he says, clutching his head with both his hands making me hug his arm though I myself feel sad hearing his train of thoughts.
"Im sorry Mayil. All of these questions are even eating me out, i know how much they would hurt you. But if there is one thing that we have to do to make all your efforts pay off and for this wedding to work out is be transparent with each other. Mayil i have eyes and ears. I know your struggles and efforts.....the kind of affection you have on me. But you know how i am and what i am like. I am still coming into terms with this, your efforts, love and care. Not knowing how to take it, how to accept it and how to give it back. You have always been one of responsibilities like the others just like now, except the responsibility is different from how it was. Now you are not just my responsibility but much more. You are in a position where you have the rights to take me as your responsibility too. And it scares and confuses me as to how you would carry all that and handle the pressure of being a village head and a businessman's wife. Not to mention, the head of this family all while being the youngest here" he says, opening his heart to me, his voice holding so much despair.
"Maama...." i drag, rubbing my hand on his arm and comforting as he places his other hand on top of my head in recognition before i lift my head off his arm to look at his serious and troubled face.
"Maams i may be the youngest but i am certainly not a child. I have been helping my father with his department stores without any degree and took up college after three years since the end if my 12th grade just for you. Just to win you over. That is exactly what I am trying even now. Maama you don't have to do anything. Just watch me, observe me. At the end of all this when i get a job, if you feel me worthy enough and if my actions have won you over, you would know how to accept my love and in what way to return it. But if you don't know what to do even after that then i will keep my distance from you" i say making him look at me with amusement.
"Now go get some rest. The other politicians will come for dinner today right ?" i say making him nod before i get up and walk out.
I hope i helped him out.......
Luv ya'll ❤️
