Join Eva as she works to navigate her life in magic school and figure out which direction she's destined to pursue. Discover hope, love, and understanding as she works to overcome the things that are hardest for her to overcome. This story takes pla...
"I think you're supposed to work in the dark, that the search and the writing itself is the reward." - Louise Erdrich
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Magic school wasn't what I'd expected. It's wonderful.. don't get me wrong, but also .. also.. different. Just different.
I don't know what I thought it would be like really. And a lot of it is just that--I think what it is, is that to dream of magic school is to dream of going and exploring, or imagining yourself doing those things and the excitement of it, and what will the dorm look like, and what will the food and students be like... So caught in the moment. And to imagine yourself in the new place and new situation, and going to classes and and and... and it's all so new and exciting and ... it was. It is. But also that now ... now I need more maybe?
I feel relief in saying that.. as if it's ok to say that and to feel that. But why would I ever think it's not ok?
Being here is ... a dream. No other way to describe it. Sure there's the strict teacher, and that one that never seems to like me.. for reasons I won't know. Nothing is ever perfect but .. that doesn't mean it wasn't .. isn't a dream.
Just that right now I'm feeling ... sad perhaps. Nervous about what's to come. And it's entirely silly because I still have one more year left here. It's not even time to be adjusting.
But I guess it is reasonable. It's reasonable to feel fear.
It's ok to feel sad.
I suppose so.
I guess I am sad to think about leaving... transitioning to the next part of my life. To feel, not that I've finished school but also.. that I've outgrown it maybe. Does that make any sense? Maybe there's a hint of nostalgia.
It's strange to have such wonderful friends here but to feel rather alone at the same time. At least at this time. We have a Callah off twice per rotation. A rotation is about a year and a half of your time since our planet is larger and spaced further away from our sun. Each Callah, or holiday break I guess, is about 36 days. I can't be sure really.
I've read about your world is all. Studied it in class. But 'World Studies' is not exactly a strong suit of mine. And yet, for the moment, I'm not feeling like anything is my strong suit... not that I'm not a decent student just that ... just that ... hm.
Just that, maybe when considering moving from a schooling environment to life as an adult, it's hard for me to know what I'm good at that is also ..useful.
My friends are busy making the most of their Callahs pursuing their interests and strengths... as if they know exactly what they'll be doing when... when... um.. school ends I guess.
I feel like everything is changing already and I'm not ready for it. And I see others who are giddy with excitement. Something new... and I'm excited to maybe. I mean I think I am, or um will be...
