It's Good that we Try

294 10 26
                                    


Hello friend,

It's been a while. A long while.

I spent nearly a month, by your time, living as a teacher and it was ... amazing. But also... um is it right for me? I can't know really. And that's ok. I'm ok with that. It was fun to try. And now for my next job trial, I can be a food systems manager. 

Between you and me, I think it's a terrible job option for me lol, but my good friend, Halro, is excited to pursue a career like that, and ... I'm excited to be able to do that with him. If nothing else, it'll be interesting, and a nice change of pace.

I've had some bad news about the instructor's job direction.  There aren't any positions available. 

I checked in the primary school also. The school students attend before this one and same thing. 

The official I talked to mentioned that instructors usually do a few years of work in a related field first. So in this way, I'm thinking .. maybe it'll work out after all.

And yet.. even if it doesn't, it's ok too. I'm happy just to be alive.

I unexpectedly found something that's important. For so long I was focused on finding a job title. What work am I going to be doing, as if ... as if that was most important, and as if that somehow defines who I am...

But really, I understand now, that it's less about my job and what I do, and more about how I do it. My intention. Who am I wanting to be? Not just an instructor.. or any other job title, but rather someone who is kind, and loving. Someone who is not afraid to try. Someone who's not afraid to get it wrong.

I suppose in this way. I wanted a job title.. because I was afraid of not knowing. I wanted it because I was fearful of not having some label like that... as if I could use it as a security blanket. I'm not lost honest.. see I have this job title. A title that may or may not even work out for me... as I discovered.

I understand better now what Alhaj was communicating with me so long ago... that what's most important is today. Right now.. seeing all I have, and who I am.

And in this way, I've been able to spend more time with my friends. We can study together and make new memories. Enjoy the time we have left.

For so long, I felt like they'd gone off in their own directions.. as if they left me behind. But really... maybe it was me who left them. In large part because of my fear revolving around not knowing which direction I was 'meant' to take.

And yet, they're feeling just the same about the job decision. Hence why they are so busy trying out different vocations. 

I feel... a lot of gratitude. That even though... even though, I don't know how life will turn out for me, it doesn't mean I can't be happy and content.

And life wouldn't be even half as interesting if we knew how it ended. What's the fun in that?

I've made plans to return home at the conclusion of this year. My father has agreed to have me work with him in his restaurant. And I am grateful to be able to be reunited with him again. And I can be of service in this way. There will be time to write more and in a year or two... I think I will still pursue that life as an instructor. Mostly because it sounds fun. I look forward to coming back here.

It will be such a hard thing to pack my bags after this last job trial. but it helps to know that this won't be my last time here. If nothing else, I can still revisit the glorious memories anytime I'd like.

Perhaps I wanted a job title and direction and ... in many ways, I did get those things. just not entirely in the way I thought. But, more importantly, I've been reminded of those things that I need. Those cherished moments with loved ones, and how wonderful it feels to be alive. I'm reminded of how much I have to be grateful for. And in this way, I know that whatever life may throw my way; I will keep going. I will keep going because that is who I am.

I'm not sure when I'll write next. I know I will write at some point just that... it might be a while.

I have this sense that there are things I'm meant to write about. But at the moment... I can't be sure what they are.

It's been a pleasure writing here. I feel such fondness towards you. 

I wish I had answers to give you... about life or decisions... but it seems like we just have to go, and try, and take things as they come, and make the most of it.

Until we meet again, maybe your days be filled with warmth and joy.

Yours Sincerely,

Eva


Copyrighted Material

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

Copyrighted Material. All rights reserved. 

Letters to a FriendWhere stories live. Discover now