Letters to a Friend

Be Alive

It's a pretty day. The sunrise is pink and hopeful. I feel ..satiated and content. Which seems weird to me because I don't feel drawn to do much. 

Then don't do much.

Is that ok? 

Why wouldn't it be?

...I don't know. Just that it doesn't seem like that's ok. Everyone else is rushing around so much and I feel a bit alarmed just watching them. 

I guess I don't entirely understand why they don't see how beautiful the sunrise is today. There's a chitter of a bird in the distant tree. It's a nice feeling. 

It's ok to rest. Sometimes it seems like the world has forgotten that. 

I haven't thought more about the job predicament. But it's nice to not think about it lol. Maybe that's the secret to life.. not worry too much, and deal with things as they come. In moderation of course.

I thought about explaining the magic here.. and I will at some point, but also, I'm not sure I'm able to...

Because so much of life, and the world.. all worlds can't be conveyed with words alone. 

It's like the euphoric feeling you get the moment you jump from a dive spot on the bluff into the deep clear water below. Like a weight is lifted, and there's nothing but the beads of energy racing through you making your skin and hands tingle magnificently. That feeling of being so alive and that there's only that moment and the feeling...

Worrying and complaining pale so much in comparison to something like that. Something that for me, right now, is only a distant memory.

lol. I don't know why that is so funny just that... the feeling is so vivid. It's a nice thing to laugh. 

It was such a perfect, warm day. The Saruhm, which is our warmest season, seems so far away right now. Right now when the days are so dark. Just thinking of that feeling of warmth embracing my skin. Sigh.

Sorry. It must seem like I'm rambling, but I'm not really. I don't mean to be. But more to the point, this is a part of the magic. Just in a small way. How you feel and how you see the world.. magnificent with all its color and warmth and ethereal sense.

And in this way... it's not that the magic is subtle, but more rather starts in a small way just from the depths of the mind with.. a kind of acceptance. To trust a force like the magic without entirely being able to understand it, and ... I guess with many things in life, you can't understand it unless you first trust it. So many things in life are a kind of catch-22.

For example, tired from being away from your home dwelling, but you need to go back to the dwelling before you can rest. Meaning you're tired now, but you have to put forth more energy before you can get what you need to rest. This is a small, and specific example. But perhaps you can see how this can cause a snag in progress. 

Or maybe you're working on an epic art project and... You can't know if others will love it until you've finished it. And if there was some way of knowing that they will love it before ever putting pencil to paper, then perhaps you'd have all the motivation you'd need to create your masterpiece. Except that you can't know it'll be loved and appreciated until after you've finished the work. 

These kinds of things create potential snags, and blocks in progress. But the magic is ..in part being more aware of that kind of thing. And when confronted with it to be aware and not feel like it can't be done, but instead ... instead maybe remember that rush from the dive into the clear water below on the hottest day of the year, and maybe the niceness of that .. that feeling of being alive is motivation enough to create the project you are meant to create. Maybe in part because you have something to share... Something worth sharing... And in this way, maybe the feedback that you may, or may not get from the project is ...not as important. And in this way, we can overcome the progress snags created by life's catch-22s. 

The magic is about rearranging our brains so we can see things like this. And then the magic... the magic is far beyond this. Maybe you start to see a bit why I'm not sure if I'll be able to explain it adequately... Because even such a tiny part such as was mentioned above is so ...detailed and beyond words, and the facets of it are ... incredible. Honestly incredible... but also potentially infinite.

So many of the basics are an ingrained part of the culture of my world. Part of how we are raised, and how we live. Vastly different than Earth. And yet... it's not like there's wrong or right. Not really. You and I are the same. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Because I am loved, and you are loved just the same. And.. not to sound sappy, but you can accomplish whatever it is you want to. But it is better that it helps others and not hurts them. That's part of the magic.  It's like this feeling you get at the ends of your fingertips. and energy.. a pulling energy. To give, knowing you will also receive.

For right now it's easier to start by thinking about how the sun feels so warm on your lifted hands. And how it feels to stretch your arms slowly up over your head to breathe fully and feel your body's response. Feel how it tingles in response to the delivery of oxygen.

How worries, stress, and all other things else fall away for a while and it just is. It is right now. It feels like you could be carried lightly through the air on the sound of soft music.

Sigh... I'm not doing this justice at all. And yet... I won't give up. I feel called to it. I can't not pursue this. I must keep going. I can feel that but ...I don't understand why, or where it's going...

But so much of the time that's how the magic works. I have to trust it and follow it. And yet.. even after so many years of study that's such a hard thing to do right now... I think because my friends are off working towards their jobs, and.. as I mentioned before, feeling the pressure of that decision for myself.

And yet... as I was told it's this feeling that I need to focus on and understand. I need to not get stuck trying to select one generic job title from a list of 300... 

Sometimes in life, you just have to leap.

Maybe it's not so different from jumping off that dive and landing into the water. That feeling of being alive, and not knowing exactly how I will land. 

I guess this is where I'm at. On the ledge, and feeling where I'm needing to go.. before the jump, and ... it's not such a bad place to be. To feel solid ground beneath my feet. Nice to feel safe. Like this is ok, I can stay here for a moment... just that I can't stay here indefinitely.

Why not?

Because... because there's more to life. There's more to my life. And in this way, I have to keep going.. even if I feel uncertainty and fear. Even if my friends have gone a way different from me... 

I suppose if there is anything we desire in life, it means facing the unknown and overcoming fear. Because if we don't have it now, by definition it's unknown. It probably seems like an obvious statement... but a lot of the elements of the magic could seem basic. And yet, that doesn't mean they're not meaningful and useful. There are obvious things that we've maybe never thought to think about before. 

I have to go back inside now. ..It's a weird thing, but I don't entirely know you but... I feel so much love for you. I feel connected. And I so strongly want the best for you. For you to be happy. For you to be alive, and to remember what it feels like to be alive. 

I feel such passion for this... but it's a strange thing because it's not what I was taught a job and adulthood could be... 

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