The Castle of Gold [Bk 2]

ch.16 Moment

“Angela, I just want you to keep your options open” he told me quietly.

I nodded slowly.

But I didn’t want options, I wanted fate to take me where she pleased because she had taken me to Harry and I loved every moment of being with him, and now she was taking me to Liam. But I couldn’t be with Liam the same way I could with Harry. I just couldn’t do that to Harry after how hard I tried to keep him alive and how hard he tried to make sure I didn’t fly away.

“Liam” I sighed slowly.

Liam looked into my eyes eagerly.

“Liam, I can’t” I told him.

“What do you mean you can’t?” he asked and raised his voice steadily.

“I can’t leave Harry. Not after everything we’ve been through” I explained vaguely. But I didn’t need to explain anything else. Liam knew exactly what I meant and he had seen it all himself.

“Angela, why do you let him control you?!” he asked rhetorically.

“Harry doesn’t control me” I defended Harry quickly.

“Yes he does! He won’t even let you leave his side without you asking for permission!” he yelled.

I looked down at my lap.

Harry doesn’t control me, but he is clearly very dominant. Yet that’s why I love him so much; he knows how to hold me together and break me apart with the touch of his hand or the whisper of his words- because I really don’t. He knows how to make the pain of loss go away and make me feel like I’m the only person for miles.

He just knows me and how to cure me, how to fight, how to be my friend, my lover, my gold.

“He’s just trying to protect me” I added quietly.

“Protect you? By manipulating you!?” Liam shouted. He leaned his hands against the table, about a half second from throwing the table and erasing the line diving us.

I sunk a bit lower in my seat.

He was describing me as he had described “time” in his speech.

Liam took a deep breath and calmed himself.

“Angela, I would never do that to you” he told me and he sounded very genuine and honest.

He took my hand in his and kissed it softly before letting go and before I needed to protest.

“And we can go to Connecticut together” Liam smiled at the possibility.

“And we could get away from all the people that have hurt you and that hold you back” Liam smiled warmly.

I shook my head.

“Harry isn’t holding me back” I defended.

“Yes, he is. Do you want to work at a restaurant for the rest of your life or do you want to publish those essays and stories you write so well?” he asked temptingly.

“You got a scholarship, Angie and you shouldn’t turn that down” Liam reminded me.

“How do you know about the scholarship?” I asked him.

“Fitzgerald told me” he brushed off quickly, but he wasn’t looking in my eyes.

I decided not to question him further.

“But the point is that you talent, Angela and we’re already so close, why not make it more official?” he tried to explain logically.

Liam took my hand again and this time I let him take it. I let him because the guilt and the “what ifs” were burning deep in my gut- the place where Harry’s babies would be.

But suddenly, children and a career and college all seemed to be pin-pointed at one beautiful, but awfully evasive word: time.

Quickly, I moved my hand from Liam’s, but Liam held on.

He held on because he didn’t deserve to be run away from or manipulated. He deserved to be loved the way that he was able to love, but I just couldn’t do that for him the way I could for Harry. I just couldn’t.

I moved my hand back.

“Liam, I love Harry” I told him again. I wanted to say it over and over again just so that I could remind myself that I loved him and wasn’t going to let Liam plant more doubts in my already insecure thoughts.

"God!" Liam shouted and he slammed his fist on table as his frustration boiled over.

He stood up quickly and came over to my side of the table.

I stood up as well and started taking hesitant steps back.

He took a steady breath and took another step closer to me.

“Please, Angela” he pleaded.

“Just for one moment, let yourself feel what you want to feel” he told me in a hushed whisper.

I looked up into those soft brown eyes and I saw how similar we were. I saw the pain of loss and the quietness and politeness. I saw the gold in his eyes, in his hair, his skin. It was in plain sight. In plain grasp…

I took another step back and ended up against the wall. 

Liam gently but urgently took my face in his hands and pressed his soft lips to mine.

I closed my eyes slowly and let him kiss me. I let his soft tongue walk with mine, not compete or control mine. I let him because I was afraid my heart might shatter if I broke his heart. I let him because he was golden and beautiful and gentle.

And, maybe I loved his gold, too.

Maybe he has always been my knight, but I just never knew it. Maybe I’ve been searching and searching for someone who has been by my side for the past 18 years.

Or maybe, it was just for a moment.

Liam's hands became eager and slid down to my waist as he held me to him. Then his tongue began searching further and more vigorously.

I pushed at his chest.

He moved back slowly, but stood close that his body acted as a barrier.

"I have to go" I told him quickly and pushed a this chest once more until I had enough space to leave.

He took a half step back and I felt his eyes on my back as he watched me leave.

I pushed the door and saw Harry standing close by. It almost looked like he was waiting for me or possibly deciding whether or not to barge in and hurt Liam. I almost shuttered at the thought of Harry walking in on the most guilt and guilt-free moment of my life.

Harry rushed to my side and I looked down at the ground anxiously. I wished I could rip my heart out and bury it in the park because I didn't know who to give it to anymore.

"Are you ok, baby" Harry asked gently and he tilted my chin up to meet his honest, faithful gaze.

Ugh, he was rubbing salt in the wound with his soft, sweet words and world-like marbles.

I nodded "yes."

He glanced at the room me and Liam had been in and saw that Liam had come out of it slowly. He looked about ready to run over and beat Liam’s skull in for causing me the slightest bit of distress.

But he didn’t. He nodded slowly at Liam. Liam looked at him quickly and nodded painfully.

Harry trusted Liam now. The minute that suspicions and doubt should have concerned him, he was trusting.

I hid my face in Harry’s chest. Harry wrapped his arm around my waist and held me to him so that we made our puzzle. I let a painful and angry tear drop on his shirt.

Then I closed my eyes and leaned my head against Harry’s chest and listened to the rhythm of his honest heart. And I tried to drown out my own erratic heartbeats, heartbeats that reminded me that there was another bit of gold that I kept close. But how close to that sacred spot where three precious words live?