The Castle of Gold [Bk 2]

ch.17 The fall

Liam left almost immediately. And Becky followed him out.

I knew that Liam wouldn’t say what had happened directly to Becky, but the fact of the matter was that it had happened. Both of us had let it happen.

And now Harry and Becky were in the dark about it. But if they found out…

I shuddered as I knew that Harry’s response would be very, very hands-on and Becky would never ever speak to me again.

Liam and I had to fix this age-old problem before more people got hurt. I just wish I knew how to solve a problem with more than one variable…

Danny began cleaning up stray cups and plates. I offered to help, but he shook his head.

“Angie, today’s your day off” he reminded me.

“No, it’s ok, Danny” I told him and I was quite serious.

I wanted to work. I wanted to do piles and piles of dishes because I needed time to think and give myself time to breath.

I started to take dirty plates to the kitchen.

“Angie, I’m serious” Danny insisted and he took the plates from my hands.

“Go with Haz” he told me and he nodded toward Harry, who was starting to walk toward me. “Go with Haz?”Did he really just say that? The one time he was finally perfectly ok with me and Harry was the moment doubts had planted themselves in my heart.

I turned and looked at Harry. With every step he took toward me, I almost felt blood dripping from my useless and hopelessly confused heart.

Harry grinned and his dimples showed through.

My heart literally shattered in my chest.

“Angie, are you ok?” he asked me carefully.

I stared at the dishes and nodded quickly.

“Yeah, I’m fine” I lied.

Harry didn’t believe me. He watched my eyes with even more worry than the moments before.

Moments. Moments. Why did time have such a powerful hold on me? On everyone?!

Then I used the oldest excuse in the book.

“Just some cramps” I mumbled and held my hand at my stomach briefly.

Danny’s cheeks flushed and he nodded and turned away, ready to run away from my feminine problems the moment he got a chance.

Harry placed his hand at the small of my back and rubbed gently.

He kissed my cheek softly.

The pain in my chest seared that much more.

“Come on, let’s head home” he told me.

I swallowed hard.

Harry waved to Danny and we headed out to Harry’s truck.

Harry opened the door for me and delicately held my hand to help me into the truck. He thought I was breaking with every step I took.

I almost wanted to yell at him for every little thing he did that made me love him because he was making me hate myself that much more. And he was making this issue with Liam a thousand times harder.

He started to drive and I listened to the uneven grumbling of his truck’s engine. I compared it to my erratic heart and realized that the truck was much smoother and cleaner and purer than my blackened heart.

Harry wrapped an arm around my waist as he drove.

His arm was so comforting- hard enough to protect me but able to be soft and gentle enough to comfort me. And I hated it because I didn’t deserve to be comforted. I didn’t deserved Harry. I never have. And maybe I never will…

“When we get home, I can make you soup or read you The Outsiders?” he asked with a slight grin.

I shook my head quickly.

“No, that’s ok. I just want to sleep” I told him.

God, I just wanted to rip my heart out and hand it to him so that he could dispose of it whichever way he wished.

He nodded.

After a few more minutes, Harry parked his truck and I saw that we were outside his place.

I swallowed hard.

He got out and opened my door quickly. If this was how he would act when I was on a fake period, what would he do when I was pregnant?

I shook my head quickly because that possibility held left me stranded on an unknown island. And Harry wasn’t on that island anymore.

Then he nearly scooped me into his arms and carried me to his front door, which was on the 21st level.

“Harry, I can walk” I told him.

“It’s ok. I’ll carry you” he insisted.

I almost cried at the honesty and selflessness of his words.

And I nearly wished he would let go at the top of the 21st level so that I could fall to my death and stop hurting everyone.  

But he would rather jump himself than dare let me fall. And that knowledge burned deep in my gut.

Harry opened the front door and switched the lights on. I lowered me onto the couch and I curled up into a ball.  

“Are you sure you don’t want soup or something?” he asked again and he nodded towards the kitchen. 

I shook my head slowly.

“No, Harry. That’s ok” I told him.

He nodded.

Then he joined me on the couch and pulled me delicately into his lap. He kissed my neck and smoothed his hand softly through my hair.

I shifted slightly.

He moved back a bit.

“Harry, I’m sorry, I’m just really tired” I told him.

“Of course” he nodded in understanding.

Why was he so understanding? Why didn’t he just yell? Why couldn't he just let me fall the way Eve fell from Eden. I had tasted my forbidden apple and I needed to pay for it. 

But Harry would never make me pay for anything, even if it was completely my price to pay.

Harry carried me to his bed and gave me one of his boxers and a t-shirt. I changed into his clothes and, but I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. I didn’t want to see myself in his clothes because it reminded me of his character, his persona and how very beautifully noble and honest he was.

He tucked me into his bed and kissed my cheek softly.

I looked up into his eyes and I knew he was so understanding and good and noble; he was a knight, but he couldn't be my knight in leather armor.