Gravity - B. Barnes

-13-

Trigger warning - mentions of abuse and injury, depression, drinking as a coping mechanism

Kat splashed water on her face and glanced at her reflection in the mirror, sighing. It had been a week since Max had attacked her, and the bruising on her neck had faded to a sickly yellow. Her eye was only mildly swollen, though some of the purple still remained. Her ribs were still sore and healing, and the stab wounds still pulled in strange ways but she could manage easier than before.

It was time to go back home. Well, maybe not home with its memories and blood stained carpet, but somewhere she wouldn't be a bother.

Bucky had been wonderful since Sam had left. He'd made her breakfast in bed, gone out for all her favorite take out meals, even bought extra blankets and pillows to make her more comfortable. He never pushed her boundaries, never pressed for details or answers. He just let her be and heal, but internally, she was shattered.

You think anyone could love you like I do?
Let's see if anyone loves you after I've taken what's mine.

She swallowed hard. Those words, and all the words Max had ever hurled at her, wouldn't stop haunting her. She hadn't been enough. She hadn't been enough for Max. Not neat enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough, not affectionate enough. And now? Now she wasn't well enough for Bucky. He deserved better.

Yet somehow, at the same time, she was always too much. Too emotional, too weak, too frail, too needy.

Too broken.

She was completely and utterly broken, and she didn't see how she could ever heal. Bucky'd done the work. He'd healed from his past, or at least been able to pull the pieces together.

But that was different.

He deserved better. He deserved more. She needed to get her shit together before she could hope for a future with anyone, let alone Bucky.

And all he wanted to do was help. She could see the pained way he held himself back from touching her, still afraid of scaring her. She wasn't ready for it. The idea of being touched again, kissed, held...it made her nauseous. Bucky would never hurt her, but it brought back Max. Despite how desperately she missed the comfort of him, she couldn't let Bucky near her. And she could see how it affected him. He no longer trusted himself, and that was because of her.

If she'd been smarter, hidden better, kept Bucky at arms length instead of letting him in, maybe Max wouldn't have found her and maybe Bucky wouldn't be suffering because of it.

Broken. She was too broken.

Bucky found her packing her few things a few minutes later. His brow furrowed as he leaned against the door frame. "Hey."

She glanced up at him and returned to what she was doing. "Hey."

"I was going to order some Chinese, didn't know if you were craving anything special."

"I'm good. Thanks though."

"Kat." Bucky waited until she sighed and looked at him before continuing. "What's going on?"

Kat took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm going home."

"What? Why?"

"It's time."

"You can't go home. It's-"

"I'll figure it out. Maybe Lucy's."

"Lucy's?!"

"Or a hotel."

"You're still healing."

"I can manage on my own now. No reason to bother you anymore."