Unforgiven

Chapter 19

There was also something different about living on this ranch. There has always been whispers and rumors of the things that go on here, the horrible awful things but I feel as though if they truly lived here for long enough they would see, they would see and understand that everything that is done here is for family.

I never believed that John thought that me and Rip were his family even when he rescued us all those years ago. It was always drilled into our heads that we were just orphaned ranch hands that Mr Dutton had taken pity upon for our shitty home life. Never in my life would I have seen myself as John's right hand woman. Growing up i'd always have my step father in the back of my mind telling me that I would amount to nothing, that I would forever be trailer trash just like my mother. Now look at me. Spy, Cowboy, and Killer of one of the biggest ranches in Montana. I wouldn't call that trailer trash but I also wouldn't say it's a great lifestyle.

I leaned back against Lees gravestone like I tended to do when my life was sucking a major fat one. After the whole situation with Kayce and him bringing back his mess of a family to Yellowstone I had to get out of the main ranch for awhile. The only place I knew would help me not do something irrational was a fucking graveyard. Yep that is what my life has come to.

"Why does he always have to do this Lee" I pondered out loud knowing I wouldn't get an answer. "Everytime I always believe he's gonna change but it never happens. Maybe that's just all men" I chuckled to myself knowing it was true. The only man I ever saw change was Lee and he wasn't around anymore to spread his nontoxic masculinity around.

"How am I going to see them around the Ranch Lee. A family of my own is all of i've ever wanted with Kayce and now i'm never going to get that" At one point I had thought that i'd get to have the children i'd wanted just with a different Dutton brother one I did love just not in the way I had loved Kayce. But Lee knew that he always had and he didn't love me the way i'd wanted to be loved and we just accepted that about each other because when we were together things made sense.

I'd like to believe that I will find somebody that loves me enough to give me a family but with my job and all the shit that comes with it I know I was just wishing on a neon star at this point.

After a few hours of wallowing in my own self pity and shit talking Kayce to the wind, I stood up and stretched out. The sun was slowly setting behind the mountains and I had get back to the bunkhouse and do my nightly chores. Even though i've killed people for John the man still makes me do barn chores. It's fucking bs.

The ride back to the Ranch thankfully was calm and no sign of any wild animals coming and trying to put me out of my misery. Sadly. The only way back to the Bunkhouse though was to ride by the cabin Monica and Kayce were staying in and I had taken my sweet ass time to avoid this but I knew I just had to suck it up.

I started to ride past the backside of the cabin just to make sure I wasn't seen but I heard yelling from the inside so I stopped behind one of the bigger pine trees.

"I said one night Kayce not the rest of our lives! We don't belong here" Monica sobbed and walked by one of the windows clutching her hair.

"It's the safest spot for all of us for the time being Monica you have to understand" Kayce argued back shoving his hands into his hair.

"I can't do this with you Kayce. I can't move away from the only home i've ever known to place like this. A place of death" She yelled at him, her voice spooking my horse a little.

"I'm trying Monica that why I came back. I want Tate to have parents who aren't separated but I also don't want him to have parents who are fighting all the time so I don't know what to fucking do" He groaned leaning his head back into the wall.