firefly | zhong chenle

CH39

"health entrusted, lives confided"

-

Arin couldn't relax still. She had to finish fixing up all this or else the unimaginable could occur. One tiny mistake as a doctor, could cost a life.

"Suction" She said to Yuyi. After hearing no response, Arin rose her head "Suction, Yuyi"

The girl, who was almost fell from tiredness, woke up and passed her the suction tube. But just as Arin was about to lower her head and continue with her work, she made eye contact with the person she wanted to see least.

Hajoon. Holding a carton of oil in his hands and a mischievous smirk across his lips.

Arin inhaled sharply, emotions of confusion and fear swarming at her and within a millisecond, her hand slipped, the scalpel cutting into the area she had just closed. Arin's focus had only dipped for a second after seeing Hajoon, but it may have caused one of the biggest mistakes in her life.

Blood splattered everywhere, across her cloak, her hands, her mask, her glasses. Fear, panic, anxiety, worry, concern, all mixed together in a deadly concoction and swallowed her to the point she completely froze in spot. It wasn't until she heard the beeping of the monitor that she jerked back into position.

Everything crashed within her. She didn't know what to do. Her hands were shaking, body trembling in shock. She had never once in her life, made a mistake like this that would have cost her a life.

She tried to do everything, repeat the previous steps, block off the opening, sew it again, fix everything. Nothing worked.

"Oh my god" She was close to tears. She had thought that if she worked hard enough in uni, she would never had to experience a circumstance where she doesn't know what to do. That wasn't true at all. Because all she did was study in college but now, she was completely lost. Being a doctor meant racing with time. In you make a wrong step, time catches up.

"Arin, oxygen levels and temperature are all rapidly dropping" Yuyi panicked as well, clearly seeing the stress appear on Arin's face in the form of sweat across her forehead.

She didn't give up. She kept working and working, doing absolutely anything. She couldn't let her best friend die in her hands. She could barely breathe in this moment.

It wasn't until she heard the long beep of the monitor, that she knew, it was all over.

Arin blinked, unable to process anything. Everything around her went silent, like she was locked inside her own mute bubble. Her hands still held the surgical tools, and her eyes were still on his now soulless body. She just stood there, for a minute, denying the reality that Jisung passed away because of her. She questioned everything about herself. Whether she was qualified, or whether she should've even become a doctor.

She told herself: no doctor kills their patients. She loved med, until she realised that she was not worthy of this love.

Arin's body was pushed away by Mark and Renjun. They collapsed to Jisung's side, kneeling on their knees and howling in tears.

A sound of metal clattering across the ground rung in her ears, as if taunting her. Her surgical tools had fallen from her fingers to the hard ground. Following that, her body fell. Every inch of her was numb.

"Arin" Yuyi ran towards her after pulling a white cloth over Jisung's body. Yuyi fell to her side, holding her shoulders.

"Are you okay? It's not your fault" Yuyi said, worriedly patting her back. Then it began. The panic that came like a tsunami.

Arin began shaking violently, her eyes flying from corner to corner. Her face was as white as a sheet of paper and her lips, a dark purple. Arin fell into all fours, grasping for the metal tools she dropped on the ground, now covered with wet dirt and grass.

"I can do it. I can help him" Arin blurted like a broken record. It was as if she was living in her own illusion that she could fix her mistake.

"I can do it" Arin repeated again, trying to stand up but falling anyways because of how weak her entire body was "I can do it"

Arin, like she had gone crazy, fervently shook her head "No...no no. I can fix him"

"Arin please" Yuyi tried to comfort her, but Arin now simply began letting the tears leak from her eyes. She sat on the floor, fingers clutching her surgical tools, staring at the kneeling firefighters.

"I killed him..." Arin muttered "I killed him..."

"You didn't" Yuyi shook her head, holding the girl  so she would stop trembling so much "It's not your fault"

"What do I do..." Arin stared at her two bloody hands, as if she was the murderer who wielded a scalpel and killed her patient. She felt horrible.

"Stay here. I'll get Chenle" Yuyi said after she realised whatever she was saying to Arin wasn't helping at all. Abruptly, Arin grabbed Yuyi's arm, stopping her.

"Don't" Arin, who was still mid panic attack, barely blurted out "He can't know yet. Let him finish his mission. He doesn't have time to deal with me"

"I know he needs to focus on his mission but his girlfriend is breaking down and his teammate just...I can't-" Yuyi placed her hand on top of hers, trying to stop the violent shaking. Arin shook her head, more tears rolling down her cheek "No please. Don't". If Arin pulled Chenle out of his mission to come comfort her, she would become his burden and his worry. She didn't want that.

"Arin..." Yuyi gave in, and sat down, hugging her.

Chenle had just come out to take a breath and to switch frontline members, turned to the medical tent to see how Arin was doing. The moment his gaze landed on Arin, who was on the floor, held by Yuyi, he felt his heart get torn into pieces. This wasn't the brave and strong Arin he knew. Something must have happened, he thought. Worry and concern consumed him, and in an instant, he forgot he had a mission. His feet took a couple heavy steps towards her, only to have him jerked back to reality when he heard the thundering sound of firefighters screaming his name to come back. The frontline must have fell.

Chenle halted, staring at the girl he loved on the floor who was crying and shaking, but reered his eyes back to the firefighters battling the flames. He had never felt so conflicted in his life, but no matter how much he wanted to embrace Arin and tell her it is all okay, he couldn't. He had his duties and it would be selfish to throw away hundreds of lives for his own desires. Thus, with a merciless decision, he pulled his eyes away from the girl, and ran towards the flames.

Like their oaths go:

health entrusted, lives confided

i will heal the wounded and rescue the dying

i am bound to protect those who are in danger, those in times of need, those who i would serve.

And this, was what they swore to.

a/n
first two lines is a snippet of the oath for medical students in china cos that one sounded the nicest lmao. last line is a snippet of the oath for firefighters. just for context.