firefly | zhong chenle

CH41

"perhaps heroes are never meant to love one person. perhaps they could only love everyone"

-

Arin said those words with a heavy heart. She knew this had to happen one day. Chenle came rushing to her after knowing something had happened, and wasted his rest time on her when he could've had a proper sit down to eat and drink water. Yet, he came for her. She finally realised why their careers are so impossible to find love.

Because if anything happens to Arin, Chenle would be the first to come save her. And she didn't want him to be in any more danger. She was a burden to him, a weight that he has to carry with him. Without her, Chenle doesn't have another thing to worry about it. He can focus on his mission and he doesn't have to care whether she's dead or alive. They wouldn't be able to get married because of just how little time they'd get together. Starting a family was even harder. None of this was possible, especially if a firefighter and a doctor were to be together.

"What are you saying" Chenle exhaled, holding tighter to her grip. But deep down, he knew that this wasn't going to last either way. He was desperate to just try, and deny the reality of this all. They've been together for a good while now, yet they've only been on one date. When they're on a mission, they both have to save lives. When they're not, they both have to train. Their breaks are set at different times too because they can't lose both their leader and head doctor at the same time.

It was all just too hard.

Arin exhaled shakily "We can't keep lying to ourselves"

Chenle looked at her, analysing her expression that couldn't be described in simple words.

"I know how much you needed that break. You've worked for hours and hours, yet the first thing you do is come see me. Now your break's over and you haven't had a single sip of water" Arin's expression flickered with guilt "I know you're constantly worried about me during your mission because I'm within this battlefield too. I don't want to keep being your...your deadweight. Before me, you just did all your mission without having to think about anything. Without any form of distraction. I've become your weakness, Chenle. Especially as a leader, no one can afford to make a mistake because they're worried about something else"

"Chenle! Hurry up!" Taeyong called from a distant, causing Chenle to curse softly.

Arin smiled, holding back a thousand words and a waterfall of tears "Please be safe"

Chenle couldn't bare to let go of her hand. He wanted to say a billion things but he couldn't even utter one in the last moment that he had to go. He loved his job, but he also loved her. He couldn't love too many things in this world because selfishness leads to ends.

And their love is one of them.

;

It was over

The war, the crying, the bloodshed, the tears. Hundreds were dead, even more mourning. The trees were burnt to ashes and now only small flickering flames were evident on the ground. Firefighters were all packing up, and many were getting ready to go home. Doctors, nurses, all took their luggage and filed onto the bus.

Arin was already on the bus, along with the rest of the medical staff. Her eyes were glued to the one firefighter who was still bustling away, ordering people to do the final checkups. Watching him almost made a tear roll down her face, but she was relieved that he was safe. Too many died this incident, and she would be beyond upset if something were to happen to him, but also not surprised.

Chenle was indeed doing the last checkups, but alongside that, he was looking for Arin. He didn't know what happened with her after they talked, nor did he know if she was even safe or not. He felt uneasy and he had to see her to make sure she was okay.

He missed her.

"Arin?" Yuyi slid into the seat beside the girl, who only now, took her gaze off Chenle

"Yeah?" She responded

"Chenle's been looking for you" Yuyi said, but noticed her expression falling.

"Doesn't matter" Arin murmured

"Did something happen between you two?" Yuyi placed a hand in her shoulder

"We're...I don't know" Arin sighed "I'm brave enough to face him"

"What happened?"

"I couldn't watch him waste more of his energy and time on me. He belongs to the country. He serves this country. And right now, he's subconsciously putting me before the country. I can't let that happen"

"Chenle is a professional. He wouldn't do that"

"I heard about the mistakes he made during the mission. He made endless amounts because he was distracted. It's my fault. We're too attached to eachother to not think about each other. Cutting off this tie will do good for both of us" Arin said, scratching at her fingers. Yuyi could only sigh in response, because deep down, she too, knew how difficult this all is. A doctor who must heal everyone and a firefighter who must save everyone. Perhaps heroes are never meant to love one person. Perhaps they could only love everyone.

"If only I wasn't a doctor working in a fire station. He would feel more safe knowing I wasn't in the war zone. Knowing that I am okay" Arin looked out the window at the wandering firefighter once more. She placed her icy cold hand onto the window, as if grasping Chenle. The glass stopped her touch, and maybe she could never break through this and truly embrace him.

"Maybe if I gave up this job, everything will work out" She knew that she has been thinking of the conclusion for ages. She would be able to be with Chenle and be in a job that's less dangerous. On top of that, after the incident, she didn't know if a doctor is what she was made for.

"Being a doctor has been your life goal, Arin..." Yuyi placed a hand on her shoulder

"And being a firefighter is his"