firefly | zhong chenle

CH46

"we are just two lovers who want to hold each other. and even that is too hard."

-

Arin took the letter into her hands, fingers evidently shaking as one drop of tear splattered onto the paper.

"We write these every big mission for our loved ones just in case the worst happens. And...if Chenle doesn't make it-"

"I know" Arin held the letter in her hands.

"I'll leave you to it" Jeno stood up, and left her by herself.

Arin opened it, preparing herself to face the reality of it all.

Dear Hwa Arin,

Hey. I'm sorry that this is the way I have to say goodbye. And I know you're probably not surprised that you're reading this letter. We're firefighters. We sacrifice. It's in our blood. This letter took me a while to write. I didn't know what to say or perhaps I had too much to say. Or I didn't know how to put everything into words. I don't know. Love is the only thing that can't be written down in just...words. It's strange, truly.

Meeting you was such a...miracle. I remember looking at you and being like wow, she's perfect. And I have never thought that way before. To try and hide this love, I was cold to you and I didn't want to talk to you much. Afraid that I'd fall. As a leader and as a firefighter, any type of weakness meant I wasn't fit for the job. I was wrong. Because loving you made me stronger, and I don't regret it one bit.

I remember the first time my heart fluttered and I couldn't control my heartbeat. I was watching you use everything within you to save lives that day at the epidemic. People were dying, you were bringing them back from the dead. It's hard to describe this feeling. It just felt like...it clicked. That I like you. And I've never felt this kind of feeling before. You are a doctor and you were made to be one. You are so incredibly talented, and you need to see that, more than anyone else. Because I fell for you wearing your doctor coat. Promise me that you'll never take it off.

But, firefighting makes us write these letters. We must put pen to paper because we know that our blood could be on the floor at any moment. I'm sorry that I couldn't hug you for longer. I'm sorry that I couldn't be with you longer. I'm sorry that my goodbye is through paper. I'm sorry for not being able to love you and hold you  for longer.

We are just two lovers who want to hold each other. And even that is too hard.

Just know that every second I spent with you, I cherish and I remember. Please don't cry after you read this. It'll break my heart.

I love you, more than you could ever know. And sorry for being selfish, but I want to complete my final request.

Will you marry me?

Upon reading those last words, Arin broke down. Tears were rolling down her face like waterfalls and her vision was blurry to the point everything just become one colour. Her breaths got incredibly heavy and her body was violently trembling she had to hold herself to stop. Whimpers uncontrollably flew out from her mouth, so much so she clammed her hand over her mouth to stop her crying. She didn't want other people to see.

Then, she heard a clatter. Rubbing her eyes, she saw it. A silver ring, studded with diamonds was on the ground. She froze. She slowly picked it up within her hand, not baring to even look at it properly as it would remind her of him. The him who was still sitting in the emergency room.

"Coward" Arin whispered to herself, a slight choke at the back of her words "He couldn't even tell me to my face"

She exhaled sharply, then slipped the ring on her finger. The ring fitted so perfectly as if it was custom made for her. However, it could be easily taken off and put back on.

Arin knew the reason behind this detail "We can't wear jewellery in a surgery room..." She mumbled to herself, hence why the ring was sized exact to each millimetre.

Paired with the ring, was his. His one was one simple silver strip with diamond engravings on it. She clasped his around her palm tightly, as if if she relaxed just a little bit, it'll fall and crash onto the ground.

Soon, she heard footsteps coming across her. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up, facing the rest of Chenle's teammates that just finished the mission. They were all panting heavily, with their uniforms on and ashes painting every corner of their skin. However, none of their expressions were readable. Like they were in deep sorrow, yet this sorrow feels familiar. As if it were deja vu.

Renjun was the first speak, a hint of fury behind his words "Why is it always you". He was harshly nudged by Jaemin, but Arin didn't blame him for saying that. Renjun has witnessed Arin kill two of his teammates.

"What happened?" Mark asked, his voice evidently soft and weak.

"I was trapped in the storage room with Hajoon. He wanted to burn everything down. Hajoon knew Chenle was going to come so he plotted to kill him there. Chenle came to save me and he got badly injured" Arin said, melancholy lacing her words. She said everything without a single pause, knowing any sign of hesitation or anything to justify herself that it wasn't her fault would've meant that she thought she doesn't deserve the punishment she was receiving right now. She truly believed it was her fault, and she won't fight against it.

"You-" Renjun began again, but seemed to force his words down upon seeing the pain in Arin's face.

Arin then suddenly bowed down, her hands together against her lap and her back bent in a 90 degree again. She was expressing her deepest regret and apology.

"I'm sorry" Arin said "I'm useless"

Everyone fell into a heavy silence. However, this was quickly cut off when the door suddenly opened and out came the doctor that was tending to Chenle.

Arin rose her head immediately to pierce her gaze into the doctors.

"How is he?"