When Friendship Becomes Forever

Chapter 13

Nancy

I met her gaze for only a moment.

She was standing in the forest outside of the house, talking to Max-whose red hair was making it obvious that she was hiding there- and turned around to face me.

Our eyes locked onto each other's as I stood in the doorway.

My heart squeezed with illicit longing...but I had other things to worry about. I had learned to push emotions back a long time ago, and I suppose this was one of the moments I would need it.

I should have felt sad that that was what my life had come to but I didn't.

It was as if I was still in shock, as if I couldn't feel...anything.

Like I was numb.

So I ignored it. I ignored her.

El stood in the doorway behind me and gently touched my hand.

"She misses you," she whispered quietly. I sighed, and I felt my whole breath leave my body.

"I know," was all I could say in response as I watched the two girls in the forest.

Then El's gaze caught sight of Max.

"Max," she breathed and gently pushed past me so that she could run to where they stood.

I didn't move; my eyes still fixated on Robin, who was now awkwardly looking between El and Max.

Maybe in another universe, she would have looked up and mouth 'help' in my direction, but alas, she did not, so instead I walked over to where they stood, a nervous, guilty expression on my face instead of a cajoling smile.

"You aren't leaving," El was saying fiercely to Max, a strong hand on Max's forearm.

"I'll do whatever I want," Max hissed back, in a tone she usually never used with her girlfriend.

A look of shock rippled across El's face due to the unfamiliar harshness and she slowly backed up a little.

"Max," I murmured quietly and the three girls whipped around to face me.

Max glared, El smiled uncomfortably and Robin flushed bright red, her gaze immediately diverted to the ground.

"Don't leave," El begged, her voice soft.

Max sighed and walked past us all into the large front yard.

I glanced over at Robin but she was already off, following Max's pursuit.

El sighed heavily from beside me before she too left the shadowy bundle of trees.

I was alone.

And for somebody who was usually so frustrated with people; so irritated by their every move, I was very, very lonely.

The worst past was that I knew it was my fault. Everything that had happened, all of the angst and emotion and anger...it was all caused by me.

I didn't mean it, of course, but what use were those words anyway? What meaning did they have to anyone that wasn't myself?

Nobody, because nobody else could see my insides, or hear the thoughts that ran through my head.

They could only reprimand the outside.

I stood alone watching the others for a few moments before turning away to leave, my cheeks stained with hot tears that for once I didn't try to conceal.

The sun burnt down on me as I walked slowly back to where I had parked my car. I had nowhere else to be; I wasn't needed at work and my parents were having Mrs. Delaney from up the street over.

I felt the tears dry only to be replaced by fresh ones. I was being dramatic and I knew it but I couldn't help it.

Robin was the only person I had ever truly...loved.

And it scared me that something so simple could tear us apart.  

That I let it.

I let Carol, the girl who had dictated my every move, who had made me lose my best friend Barb, control me again.

But when she said those words something inside of me snapped.

I had never realised that I cared so much about reputation and how other people saw me.

But every word, every glance, every piece of judgement, no matter how small cut me deep.

And I guess now it was finally too deep. Now the blood was finally pooling and I was losing it.

I was losing myself.

So to keep myself, I push her away.

I say I'm lonely but that's my fault.

I've pushed away everyone I care about, everyone I love.

And now I'm more lost than ever before.

Now the words were tangled in my own mind.

Now the feelings were too strong.

Now I was crying alone, the June heat bearing down on me as I slumped against my car door.

Key word, alone.

(A/N: Sooo....this is where the story takes a turn for the depressing...I'm sorryyyyy but I promise that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Nancy just needs to walk through the fire 😏 Now is no time for jokes I know but things will get better! You'll just have to wait and see. Stay safe and totally tubular and I'll see you in the next one xxxxx)