Hard love#JustWriteIt

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I got out from this shitty party as soon as I could , I couldn't stand the smoke suffocating me and the disgusting smell of alcohool , Why did I come here at the first place ?If It wasn't for Billy  I could've been sitting comfortably on my bed reading a book or watching a movie ... What is it with people and partying so hard ? 

As I was walking in the street all alone , I felt the cold breez tickeling my bare skin , then I rememberd that I should've worn something warm or at least bring a cardigan with me ... Shit , It's freaking freezing .  I didn't bother calling Billy to give me a ride , I just wanted to get out of this house as soon as possible , and now I regret not calling him. 

I finally arrived home with a frozen body and blue lips , I guess a dress wasn't the greatest idea ... Mom was already assleep , she had to wake up early for her meeting , again ! I don't spend a lot of time with mom because of her job , but I don't blame her . She worked so hard since my dad's death on an accident .

I still remember that day bitterly , and no matter how much I try to deny it , I can't help but feel responsible for his death ... If it wasn't for my childish and stupid play  that I insisted on him to come to without being late , he wouldn've had the accident . Since then mom tries to occupy herself with work and household from grieving . And me ? I isolated myself from everyone , it's how I grieve . I still didn't move on from this tragedy . Funny how ones life can turn upside down with one stupid accident ! 

We were Happy !

I changed into my comfortablee and warm pyjamas and slept , thinking about wha happend tonight ! Did I overreacted ? No ! She totally knew what he has done to me .. Why should I always be wrong ? It has always been this way , they even said I was living under her shadow , which hurt like hell .

**

I woke up feeling uneasy , I had a heavy headache and I could feel my cheek still wet from my silent crying of last night . I got out from the bed , washed my face with cold water and stared at my reflection in the mirror .. What is so wrong with me ? I'm not fat , I have a beautiful black hair and wide blue eyes .. isn't that enough ? Should I be wearing tons of make up , short skirt and skiny tops so that people can notice me ? 

What is so wrong with being a good student and having good grades ? Why should I be called nerd ?Education is what defines people's worth , and yet people call you nerd for working hard on garanteeing your future .. I don't understand them . 

My mom's knock on the door woke mu up from my deep and sad thought and brought me back to reality ! I sighed and headed downstaires for breakfast . 

I checked my phone and founed several calls from Christine and Billy , I ignored the texts as well and continued eating my breakfast silently . Finally mom broke the silence 

"Will you tell me what happed yesterday ? " She said softly as if she was expecting me to expload 

"What do you mean ? " I shrugged pretending everything was allright

" Your cousin called me late at night to tell me that you disappeard from the party as soon as you arrived " She said with a frown on her head 

" It was boring " 

"That's it ? " She was pushing me to spil it out 

" Yes that's it , gotta go , see you at dinner " I got up from my sit , kissed her cheek then hurriedly walked out from the house . I knew she wasn't conviced with my short answers , but I wasn't feeling like talking about it . 

Walking into school alone was wierd and new to me , It was always with Chris . I should probably stop thinking about her . I spoted her click and ignored it like everytime . I first Chimestry class , I don't like going to school anymore , eing a loner isn't easy . I don't have backup friends , and the most popular jerk in this school hates me , for no reasons may I add , so that means the female population will hate me as well . 

Even though Levi and Melissa were nice to me the last time , I don't think I can call them friends for now . 

I walked in the class early ans sat down on the table , It was the day we had to choose our partners , or the teacher can do it to avoid problems , I can only hope for Christine and Daustin to not be in this class with me , I don't intend on talking to eaither of them . 

Five minutes later , Daustin walked in the class , now that it's full with students . Then he did the most terrible thing in the world , how could he be so cruel ? 

He sat next to me !

I mean ... seriously , there is plenty of empty tables he could be sitting in , but he had to choose the table with two sits I'm sitting in just to annoy the life out of me . And I am so not in the mood to argue with him , I'm so tired to talk !

" Um hi " Say what ? Did he just talk to me ? 

I didn't even respond or turn my head , I got up from my seat and serched for another table to sit in , I'd rather die than hear him talking any further .

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C'mon people , not even a vote ? or a comment ?