My deranged marriage

Prologue

12th February 1996

Dear Diary,

I wanted mom to come to my soccer practice today. Well, I wanted dad to come too, but he's over in England on a business trip...Like always. 

Mom didn't come because she was 'busy'. I don't know how, but apparently she was. When I came back from practice, I told her all the goals I scored and she didn't seem to care. She just said "cool" and went back to reading those magazines she likes. 

She's not a cheerleader mom. She's a party-pooper. 

Everyone else's mom was cheering. Why wasn't she cheering for me?

Also, Max told me that babies come out of your vagina. That's really really weird. 

Mom said Max is retarded. I don't know what that means. 

26th December 1997

Dear Diary

Dad said he couldn't make it for Christmas, which sucks. Mom said he'll be home by New Years. 

I know I'm too old to believe in Santa, but I thought I'd send him a letter for Christmas. I asked him for those gel pens for my drawings. 

I got a barbie. 

I started crying and mom got annoyed. She said I was 'ungrateful' to Santa and whatever. If Santa had just gotten me what I asked for, I wouldn't be ungrateful, would I?

She said it really wasn't that big of a deal, but it was. I really wasn't overreacting, like she says I was.

I really wanted those pens. 

4th February 1998

Dear Diary,

It's my birthday today. I'm 13.  I still feel like I'm 12. 

Dad says being 13 means I'm a woman. Mom says it means bad luck. 

I unwrapped Mom's present today, and it was some weird weight loss stuff. 

I was like, "Mom, I asked for stuff from the Powerpuff girls," and she was like, "You could probably use some of this. You're already a woman's size 2."

What does she mean? Is that a bad thing?

Dad got mad at her and then mom said it was just a joke and handed me a Bubbles plush, which wasn't wrapped. 

I wanted a Buttercup plush, but I didn't tell her that.

She'd just tell me I'm ungrateful. 

Why does she act like its so hard to remember something I wanted?

17th May 1999

Dear diary

Can I swear in here? You won't rat me out, right?

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FCUK FUCK

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

BITCHBITCHBITCHBITCH

Okay, I'm okay now. 

Today, mom's friend came over. She said she liked my drawings. Mom said it was because of her that I could draw. She said I was her little 'artist.'

BULSHIT! (or is it two 'L's?)

HOW THE HELL COULD IT BE BECAUSE OF HER?

SHE CANT EVEN DRAW!

I"M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!

19th March 2001

Nearly shat my pants today when I gave Mom and Dad my report card. 

I knew I had bad grades, but I didn't realise they were that bad. 

I didn't hear the end of it. 

Mom was going on with all her shit about how she has 'given up her life to raise me' and the best I could do was get good grades to show for all the work she's done in making sure I have the best education. 

Why doesn't she see how hard I try? I try so hard to make her proud, but it never works. Its like, she doesn't see what I achieve and she makes a big deal out of things I fail. 

Anyway, I told her to shove it up her ass.

Now I'm grounded. 

For two months. 

They also took my pager away. Not like I talk to anyone on it, anyway. 

17th March 2004

I told mom I'm not going to college to become a doctor, because I could barely pass school.

She told me I was a disappointment. Heard that one before. 

I told her I'm going to become a comic artist. 

She said it's just some stupid phase I'm going through. I told her she was just some stupid phase I was going through.

I know it was a bad comeback, but it was the only thing that came to mind. 

At least it confused her for a bit. She didn't know what to say afterwards. 

She's so tiring. Why can't she just be happy for me for once? 

I wish she didn't exist, sometimes.  

Is that bad for a daughter to say?

Sometimes I wish I could just have a vacation from her.

An escape.