𝑽𝒆𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒕'𝒔 𝑫𝒊𝒂𝒓𝒚

Entry 12

Velvets Prov

A few days have passed since Veneer and I talked to each other. I feel so bad. We were doing so good and then I have to screw it up! Just to make myself feel better about everything. I thought that would give me some kind of closure on all of this by exposing him but I guess I never thought an another way that could be possible. I need to do something he can't stay mad at me forever. I didn't do he can't either.

I get up from my laying down on my bed and face him. "Veneer....I know you don't want to talk to me but I just to explain more to you. Not the way I explain it a few days. I want to explain everything." He doesn't finch but I continue...

"and you don't have to answer back I just want you to listen.... When we first got here I wanted so badly to get you back in someway since you ratted us out I was so angry with you. So I though telling everyone that you were gay could help me some how feel better about everything. But now that I think about it. That was just me wanting to putt the angry on someone else instead of myself. But once you made me realize this is my fault I didn't even think about that plan once! I liked the way we were. Talking how we use to. But then during the interview when Ritz asked that question the angry just came back... and I didn't fully realize what I was doing because of that angry."

My vision started to get blurry but I fought back the tears as I started to continue again. "But once I was about to say it I thought about everything that had happened and how we were in a good place. And I couldn't bring myself to do it anymore.... I'm a sorry Veneer. You have no idea how hard it is for me to change cause once I do I just end up losing all of that progress somehow. I am trying so hard to though you have no idea..."

I try and move my head in a way to see if Veneer had a reaction to what I was revealing. But I couldn't see anything so I just go on. "It's just...comes so easily for you and so hard for me. But I promise you I am so sorry. It's the last time I will ever do that. Promise. If you want you can read my diary to prove it to you or just to have a better grasp of all of this...but I won't push you."

I grab my diary that was sitting under the bed and place it on his bed. He still hasn't moved so I wonder if he even is hear anything I was saying. "Veneer I swear to god if you sleeping while I full on vent to you I'm gonna be so mad. But...you being angry is enough anger we need right now. But if you are sleeping I hope you read that when you wake up."

I make my way back to my bed and lay down on it facing the wall but before I start to drift off I say. "It will...explain everything better than I could ever." I then close my eyes and start to trying to doze off. But before I fully drift off.

I hear his bed move.

( ok so I don't know if I got Velvets personally right on this one cause I don't even know how she would apologize if she would but all I know is after a settlement moment just do something sassy lol. I also think this is to fast passed. I want it to be like a little slow so I don't want the development happening to quickly but also not to late. If you know what I mean.

Also half of the reason I gave Veneer the diary is so I didn't have to restate all of this in her entry. )