Enough Secrets (gxg)

5 : Break it

Blake's POV

How can someone be so annoying yet so addicting?

The feel of her lips, the taste of her, the feel of her tongue, the way her body feels against mine, her touch, everything.

I don't know why I did what I did, but I regret it. All of it. Besides the kiss. I definitely do not regret that.

I have no idea what I was thinking when I kissed Brooks. It is as if my body took over my mind. And the way that I responded to it was horrible. I said mean things to her that she didn't deserve to hear or be told. Especially since I believe her over Luke. Brooks was right. Since the day that we have met she has answered every question and has told me the truth. I know it is the truth because it was something others would not admit to or answer.

So why is it that I ruined it and hurt her. Why did I do that when I don't want to lose her. Don't want to lose what we have. Whatever that is.

It has been a few weeks with both of us not talking. She won't even look at me. During class she sits as far as possible to avoid being close at the table we share. Then when class ends she leaves as fast as she can to get away from me.

I want to apologize, but I don't know how. How do you apologize to someone you just met but feels like they are suppose to be part of your life. Like they are someone you know. How do I get back what we had? And how do I do that without pissing off my boyfriend.

I know that I am the one that kissed Brooks. I know that it was the best kiss I have had. I know that I want to keep kissing her. But I also know that I can't just break up with Luke because of one kiss. Luke and I have been together for six months. I can't just break up with him over someone I just met a few weeks ago. Can I?

"Hey, Brooks, can I talk to you?" I ask her as she sits at lunch with her friends. This is the only time that I could ask her before she could walk away from me. It is pretty intimidating with all her friends here but I need to talk to her.

"Why don't you go mess with someone else" Robyn tells me. Understandable why she is reacting like it. I am sure they know what happened.

"I just want to apologize, please?"

"Fine" Brooks gets up and starts to walk out to the hall, I follow behind. She stops in front of some random lockers. The hall is empty.

"I'm sorry for what I did"

"Which is?"

"I'm sorry for kissing you then treating you badly, well I'm not sorry about kissing you, but I am sorry for being a bitch after. I shouldn't have done that. You deserve better"

"Why did you do it?"

"Honestly I don't know why I kissed you, I just know that I wanted to. As for being mean after I guess I was just angry and confused that I didn't express my emotions correctly. It is no excuse I know, but I'm trying to be better. I'm sorry"

"Angry and confused about what?"

"Its nothing. But can you please forgive me?"

"I'll forgive you when you tell me the truth"

"I did tell you the truth"

"No, the entire truth" she replies. "Why were you angry and confused?" she questions again. "And I want the complete truth"

"I was angry to know that Luke lied to me about everything he told me about you. Angry to hear and see all the different people you hook up with. And I was confused because I liked the kiss. I shouldn't have enjoyed the kiss because I have a boyfriend, but I did and I can't stop thinking about it. That's the truth" I state. Our eyes stay on each other's as I wait for her to say something. Anything.

"I broke one of my rules because of you" Brooks replies but I don't know what she is talking about.

"W-What rules?"

"I have four main rules when it comes to hookups. Always say the truth prior to anything physical, consent is always needed, no ghosting or leaving someone feeling used, and no hooking up with someone in a relationship"

"Oh" I have never heard of someone who hooks up with multiple people to have rules.

"I have never broken a rule until you" she walks closer to me. Her hand slowly rising to my chin. The touch of her finger on my skin makes me weak. Her eyes fall to my lips as she is one lean away from touching my lips with her.

Her thumb rules lightly over my lip making me whimper inside. "I don't care about breaking my rules with you. And I really want to break it right now" Then do it. Please.

"Break it" I whisper.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" my hands go to her side pulling her in. Brooks connects our lips together. She places her hands on the side of my jaw and upper neck. This kiss is different from the first one. It is softer and slower. No rush. Both of us are making this as long as possible. Taking in every second.

At the feel of her tongue running over my bottle lip I give her entrance. We both tilt our heads to deepen the kiss. Still keeping the same pace. We both pull away needing a breath of air.

"Why does it feel like that when we kiss?" I question. Neither of us has let go of the other. Brooks' forehead leaning on mine.

"I don't know. I haven't had a kiss feel like this before"

We hear someone pretend to cough, catching our attention. "Um yeah sorry to interrupt but Luke is coming" Noel says. "He didn't see anything but don't think you two should be around each other when he comes"

"I'm not scared of him, Noel" Brooks tells her friend.

"Oh I'm not worried about you. I'm afraid you'd kill him. And I am not going the rest of my life with you in prison"

"She's right. You should go" I tell her.

"But what about what just happened"

"We'll talk later. I'll call you" she hesitates to leave but eventually does.

Why do I keep kissing her when I know I have a boyfriend. Why can't I stop myself from wanting her.

"Blake, I've been looking for you. Did you not get my texts?" Luke comes up.

"Um sorry I had to talk to one of my teachers about something. But what's up?"

"My parents asked me to ask you if you and your parents are free for dinner tonight?"

"Um I would have to ask but I think we are-"

"Perfect. They are really happy you guys are all here now. I am so happy that I finally get to have my girlfriend at the same school as me" he leans down and kisses my lips. It does not feel like when Brooks kisses me. It feels like nothing compared to Brooks' lips.

"Me too" I smile not wanting to hurt his feelings. The fake smile works. He doesn't sense that anything is wrong.

What Luke has said about Brooks and has done is not okay. I made sure he knew that. And apologized to me about everything and promised to stop messing with her. He told me he will change so how do I break up with him when he has been nothing but good to me.

He has been a good boyfriend since the beginning. My parents like him a lot and I like his parents a lot as well. These past four months with him have been good. The argument with him and Brooks was the first time he has shown me a side of him that I did not like.

Just because Brooks is different from the standard does not mean something is wrong with her or that she should be seen as different. I still see her as a person. As a girl. She was born the way she was suppose to be born, there is no mistake.

It was a big thing to me the way Luke reacted. I don't like people who treat others badly because they aren't normal according to society norms. I don't think anyone is normal. Everyone is different in their own way which is beautiful. But people also deserve a second chance. I think Luke deserves the chance to change. To be better.

But how do I explain that to Brooks?