The Angel in Hell

M I N T . C H O C . C H I P

My life in art by Mojave3 <3 

~

The night of sleeplessness finally came to an end with a melding of pinks and purples turning into orange and then blue. But with the morning came the sickness. The terrible sickness that wouldn't let Delilah forget life beyond the sunrise. Numbly, Delilah walked into her bathroom to splash her face with cold water to dull the sickness. It didn't work. She spent the next 20 minutes leant over her toilet throwing up despite not having dinner. She wasn't sweaty or shaking like yesterday, she didn't know what she was- sort of still, screaming on the inside but mute outside.

She felt a soft comforting hand on her back, the smell of sweet honey and amber soothing the sickness slightly. 'Brought you up a ginger tea- it's supposed to help I think.' Venetia said, rubbing her hand in methodological circles to ease the tense muscles in Delilah's back and core.

Delilah smiled, taking a small sip before staggering back towards her bed. To be honest she hadn't even noticed when Venetia left. 'When's breakfast?' Delilah mumbled croakily, sipping more tea. Venetia just smiled softly.

'It's 3 o'clock, angel' She replied, 'Buttt...i can go and get you whatever you want.? Anything you're craving?' Venetia stopped. Craving, That word. Now it had real meaning. And although it also made her sick again thinking about cravings, Delilah did have one.

'Mint choc chip ice cream, please' Delilah requested, the first small smile in hours creeping onto her face.

'Sorted.' V said, disappearing off down the stairs only to return a couple of minutes later with a tub of mint choc chip ice cream and a giant spoon. 'Eat up.' She demanded, sitting herself next to Delilah.

They sat quietly, Venetia occasionally opening her mouth for a spoonful of the cooling but luxurious ice cream. The mint of it settled Delilah's nausea, sending a calm over her body while the chocolate satisfied a part of her that needed some sweetness, something to feel. Outside, the buzz of event workers carrying ladders and decorations around the grounds of the manor hummed. It was the day before Oliver's birthday party, another thing that Delilah could add to her list of dreads. Although, nothing quite topped the obvious.

Delilah thought about her fathers birthday only a few months ago. How it was completely over the top, like this one would be. She remembered having to greet a thousand strangers that she'd grown up only ever seeing at her parents parties, there for the drink, the food, there for the drugs. But in a strange way, she was glad her father wasn't here to see her like this. Glad she didn't have to face his overwhelming disappointment. He would probably tell her she was acting 'common' and 'The Astor family is most certainly not common' and then he would probably pay for her to go away to Switzerland, a boarding school, after paying for an abortion of course. That would be it. No hugs of words of encouragement, just expressions of how inconvenient it was, for him, for her mother, for their image. Delilah's mother wouldn't give one fuck about wether Delilah was pregnant or not, she was 22 when she married Delilahs 55 year old father at the time and has since been in a state of intoxication. It was sad but it was also normal for Delilah- the only time it bothered her was at Saltburn. Seeing Elsbeth, as superficial as she may be, so warm toward her children, nurturing them, hugging them, kissing them and being interested in them. Delilah wanted to be a mother like that. Delilah wanted to be everything she didn't have because, despite having lots of things, she never had connection. An overwhelming sense of determination to break every generational, socioeconomic evil for her child ran within her. Maybe this is what the teachers at her school were talking about. Maybe it was the mint choc chip. Maybe it was motherhood.

~

Dinner came and went, Delilah stayed in her room. She felt significantly better but couldn't face the family. Couldn't face Felix. And so when Elsbeth came into her room to check up on the 'food poisoned' Delilah, she lied and said 'Something I've eaten...must get better for tomorrow'. Elsbeth, obviously, replied with many 'Oh darlings', sprinkling in a 'do get some rest' and shutting the door with 'lots of love'. Venetia had gone back to her room tonight, giving Delilah some space to just be, but not before bringing her up some more ice cream and a big bottle of orange squash- another immediate craving that struck around 6pm.