The Angel in Hell

C O P E N H A G E N

In my room by Chance Pena<3

~

It was the countdown to christmas. The month of december had been gruelling and long, Delilah and Felix forever sharing longing glances but never fully seeing each other. It was as if each time they locked eyes there was hope that they would see the old versions of themselves within each other. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Since that day in the car they hadn't touched, barely even spoken unless it was necessary. Even in the doctor's appointments. It was as if they were both in two different worlds despite being less than a foot from each other. Neither of them wanted to connect because it would hurt too much. As cliche as it sounds, it was the truth, connecting with each other would hurt like nothing they had ever felt before. And they couldn't hurt any more than they already did.

Normally December was a fantastical month at Saltburn with huge christmas dinners and fuck off parties that lasted days on end as the wealthy revelled in their not-so hard earned money at the end of the year. This year was different- obviously. Nobody wanted the opinions of anyone in the Cattons circle of friends to know the truth about their life recently and for many reasons. But Delilah knew she was definitely high on that list. She felt ashamed at first but as her bump grew and plans for the nursery began to take shape, she was glad for the privacy. Nobody could hurt her if they didn't know and that is how she had lived for some time now. In a state of protection over herself. That was how they all lived these days.

But, Elsbeth insisted that the family make something of this year. She wanted a tangible memory to hold onto, something she could use to assure herself she hadn't failed, that she had done something worth talking about. So she booked a trip to Copenhagen where the family would spend christmas. It was the perfect plan; she wouldn't have to explain why the annual christmas eve ball wouldn't happen because she would simply not be in the country. It was cowardice but it was necessary and besides, this was the last month Delilah would be allowed to fly before she gave birth. A perfect storm really.

Delilah stared at her suitcase filled with clothes and make-up on one side, a pregnancy pillow and raspberry-lavender tea bags on the other. Her essentials lately. She had packed fancy clothes reluctantly, doubting she'd ever leave the hotel room. Venetia has convinced her of course, she had said Delilah should make the best out of her last month before becoming a mother.

In truth, all Delilah wanted to do was give birth and run away. Somewhere far and quiet, a farm maybe, where she could live just her and her son or daughter. She could teach them everything herself, grow all their food herself, maybe learn to sew or knit so she wouldn't ever have to leave. She wanted independence. She wanted isolation. It was sad, really. This was not Delilah, she was not who she used to be. She was loud and judgy and wild. She adored parties and being at the Cattons. She craved affection and love and she knew she found it in the wrong people but she didn't care because she was only young and life was just beginning. Even when her father died, even when her mother practically abandoned her, Delilah knew she would be okay but this wasn't all that life had to offer. There was always more, she believed in that. But now she felt a sense of finality in her life, she had given in and this was what's left. A girl who wanted nothing but to disappear.

She pushed these thoughts out of her mind and zipped up the case, struggling slightly to close it all the way, before wheeling it out into the hallway. She lifted it and tried to walk down the staircase. She did in fact not walk, she waddled. It was comical the way she shifted her weight from side to side, trying to get this stupid case down the stairs which she would have once done so easily. Tears of frustration pricked at her eyes as she felt utterly incapable.

'Give that to me.' A deep voice pierced the air.

'I've got it.'

'Delilah. Give it to me.' Felix was dominant and strong as he lifted the suitcase from her hands. He hadn't called her by her name in a long time. The way it rolled off his tongue felt familiar and warm.